Losing you was not an easy thing to handle, but when the holidays roll around, it feels like the wound is fresh again. No matter how long it has been, the pain comes back strong every holiday season like clockwork.

Christmas without you will never be the same.

The tree is set up later and later each year, and the sting of Christmas puts a damper on the joy of the season. Waking up Christmas morning without your smile or the excitement on your face when we opened our gifts can never be replaced. Every year, the thought crosses my mind of what would I have gotten you this year? What would you have wanted to see under the tree? Sometimes, it's hard to even enjoy the season. Seeing your friends with their parents or helping your roommate pick out a gift for their parent can cause a sting of jealousy and pain. Not being able to spend the holidays with someone you love the most is hard, especially when there's nothing you can do about it.

As time goes on, gifts become less important.

With you not being here to spend Christmas with me, all I want for Christmas is to be surrounded by the love of my family and friends. The things on my Christmas list cannot be bought. What really matters for Christmas becomes the focus of the holidays.

Family traditions are important.

Without you here, the Christmas traditions are so much more important. Whether it be the color pattern of the Christmas tree or yearly Christmas pajamas, keeping your traditions going make it feel like part of you is still here for the holidays.

Christmas stories are now the best.

You used to groan when Grandma would start telling stories about back when, but now, they're so heartwarming. Getting to know any new little thing about you now is amazing. Hearing the great stories that other people have to tell about you is such a great way to remember you.

Growing up means filling your shoes for the holidays.

You were the one to make the Christmas cookies and wrap all the gifts. Without you here, it feels empty. Someone has to step up and take those responsibilities to make the holiday season bright for everyone else. Doing your jobs makes me feel closer to you, getting to do the jobs I used to help you with every holiday season.

Christmas without you will never be the same. Being able to remember you and have my own Christmas angel makes the holidays a little bit sweeter.