Dear Dad,
I remember how I felt when I found out that you were gone. In that moment, I realized that I would never get another chance to tell you I love you, never see another Christmas with you. I remember feeling a piece of me die, a piece of me that dreamed about her father at her high school and college graduations, who looked forward to her father walking her down the aisle and spoiling her children.
I always wonder what life would be like if you were here...three years later and I am not sure who we would be if you were here. Who would I be if a big part of me wasn't losing you? Would I be a different person? Would I have been as ready for the world? Would I have been less moody, less broken? Who would I be? Who would you be? I wish that I knew...
I am in my second year of college and I am living the life I was meant to live. I am getting my degree, I have met someone wonderful and I have great friends. I wonder what you would think of them, if you would think they were like me. I wonder if you would ask me about my grades, would you think to ask me about the clubs I'm in?
Would you be proud of me? I am in APO, a service fraternity on campus and I have the best brothers around. I am part of the newspaper staff, and next semester I will be a section editor. Would you tell me that you're proud of me? Would you be happy with the choices I have made.
I wonder, after Mollie was born, would you have come around more? Would you have been in the hospital when she was born, would you have been in Red Lion for her first birthday? Would you have gone to the zoo with us for her second?
Would seeing us more make you want to be around for more birthdays, holidays and special occasions? Would you have attended parents weekend, would you have bought Susquehanna sweatshirts and put a sticker on your car, what kind of dad would you be?
I remember you when I was little, I remember you taking videos to remember everything. I remember you playing with your playstation 1. I remember when you laughing when we played Dance Dance Revolution in the living room. I remember big things, I remember little things. But I remember missing you the most.
I can never get that time without you back. I will never have the opportunity to hug you again or hear about your day. I never have the opportunity to move forward because moving forward means not looking back. And not looking back is not an option, I will always remember you.
Love Always,
Megan
