Hi Gram,
I’ve tried to fight back the tears all day knowing it’s your 75th birthday. But I’m constantly wiping the tears that stream down my cheeks. My heart is so heavy today. Knowing that such a precious persons life was cut so short. What I would have given to spend more time with you.
You were taken from me at such a young age. I know it’s selfish, but I always find myself thinking how unfair this was. I still wonder, “Why did this happen to my family?” For the years I did spend with you, your strength was inspirational. I watched cancer take over your body piece by piece. At such a young age, I had such painful memories of it. I watched you fight till the very end. I’m honored to call such a strong woman, my grandma. It brings me peace knowing that you are no longer in pain.
Our family will still gather around the television and watch home videos just to see you again. There is nothing more soothing than hearing your voice. I wish you could I feel your arms surround me like they once did. I wish I could feel your unconditional love that I once knew. I have a number of birthday cards, pictures, and clothing that still reside in my home. As comforting as those objects are, I wish you could physically be here. I’m beyond grateful you were able to meet my beautiful baby sister before leaving this earth. I wish she had more time to realize what incredible individual you were. I wish you could see how amazing my parents both are. I wish you could see the years that Grandpa played both roles. He played grandma and grandpa and he did a hell of a job. I wish you could be here to experience some of life's greatest moments. I wish you could see the weddings, graduations, birthdays, and many other milestones.I can’t tell you how many times I’ve picked up the phone with pure excitement only to realize that you aren’t actually here. Sometimes I’ll drive by your house, where most of my childhood memories remain, and I become overwhelmed with emotion. You provided me with an amazing childhood filled with happy memories.
When family members talk about you, I watch the fire in their eyes. I watch them light up as they talk about the amazing personality you had. They always tell me how much happiness being a grandmother brought you. My mother is an exact representation of you. Some of the things she says sounds as if they came right out of your mouth. My mother continues to honor you in everything she does. They say that time heals everything, but I’m not sure that’s true. This underlying heartbreak and pain is still very much with me. Losing you was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. This empty void will always be with me because no one can replace you. No one can replace the love of a grandma. Some day we will meet again. Until then, you will always be my beautiful guardian angel.
Happy Birthday,
Ashley
