Dear Future Husband,
There are some days when I really start to question whether or not you’re even on this earth…and today is definitely one of those days. This morning on my way to work I started contemplating all of the possibilities.
“Maybe he got hit by a bus."
“Maybe he hasn’t even been born yet, and I’m going to be a cougar."
“Maybe he wanted to become an astronaut before he got married, and he’s out floating in space."
And the list goes on and on. Can you tell I’m in a really good frame of mind about this right now?
It probably doesn’t help that I am constantly reminded of my singleness by the people around me. I'm sure my friends and family mean well, but after a while, being told "Your time is coming" or "He'll come along when you least expect it" gets old. I mean, it’s not just that I’m not engaged or even dating someone seriously. I am no where close to being married. No. Where. Close..
Meanwhile, my three best friends are all getting married within a year of each other, and my schedule is full of bridal showers, bachelorette weekends and dress fittings.
Now, you’re probably reading this and laughing because of how ridiculous I sound. You’ve probably learned how impatient I am. You’re probably thinking, “Relax, Kristen. Your time is coming.” You’re probably wondering what you’ve gotten yourself into by marrying me. And honestly, when you remind me of this letter one day, I’ll probably laugh too, thinking back at how impatient and irrational I was being. But right now, in this current moment, my biggest fear is that the only person who will ever get to read any of these letters is me.
Now, on the plus side, the fact that I’m even writing this letter shows that I haven’t lost all hope, that maybe when you got hit by the bus you only broke your arm or sprained your ankle or something.
I promise I’m not mentally unstable, just a little confused. And when I get confused, I start to question everything. But more than anything else, I just start to wonder what the heck God is doing, because right now it doesn’t feel like He’s doing a dang thing. I had several conversations with Him last night and this morning about how frustrated I am, how I’m tired of nothing happening, of no progress being made, of feeling unwanted, of being great friends with guys and that being it.
Then, I read my devotion last night. It wasn’t even the app I normally use for my devotions, but of course last night, I decided to read this one, and right smack dab in the middle of it, it said:
“Have you ever been on the ‘scenic route’? You follow God with expectation only to discover your journey led you straight to the wilderness. Discouragement can easily take root when our expectations don’t align with God’s timing. Worry replaces peace. Contentment turns to complaining…but the cool thing about God is this: even when we don’t think He is working, He is."
Yup. That’s what it said. It might as well have been a slap from the God Himself with a heavenly two-by-four.
Now, does that lessen my frustration at all? Not really. Not right now, anyways. But all I have to cling to right now is the faith that God is working even though He seems dead silent, that He is preparing you just like He is preparing me and that somewhere on this earth, you are waiting for me just like I’m waiting for you.
Hopefully I’ll see you sooner rather than later.
P.S. Do me a favor and look both ways before you cross the street.