We live in a society where it is perfectly healthy to date multiple people before you meet “the one.” You get to see what qualities you really want in a person as well as get to expierence new things with new people. Unfortunately, sometimes you really fall for someone hard and it just ends up not being the person you were met to end up with. So, you break up, and even though you loved him more than anything, you can admit, sometimes, that you want him to find happiness with whomever that might be. After a little while he starts dating someone new, and when you see them out, or around campus, you see that sparkle in his eye that he once had with you. Obviously, you get the sudden urge to cry, but than you step back and realize that it is OK without him. However, there are a couple things I need to say to him before you never hear from me again.
Dear ex boyfriend,
I see you have a new girlfriend. I’m content with that. And no, I don't want you back, but there is something you need to know. Your new girlfriend? She will ask you about me, and if she does ask who I am, tell her. Tell her because she is not trying to start a explosive fight, but she needs a confession. Tell her the truth, because if you lie and say I was just a girl you dated for a couple years, she will only give you an even harder time. She will see the hundreds of tagged pictures of us on your Facebook and stack of books that holds our memories on your book shelf. Don’t tell her I was just a friend, because she's going to recall every time you looked at a place with an inch of regret and nostalgia. She will remember how you skip our song every time it plays in the car just so you can find an excuse not to talk about it.
But, if she asks you who I was, lie. Lie just a little, because she is not crossing the line you should never cross for answers, but for reassurance of what you two are. Don’t tell her how our lips were perfectly synced, and how we stayed up all night daring to dream about our futures. Skip the part where we fought each other's battles, and named each other's scars. Reserve the fact that it took all your will power to let go of me and that you still keep our letters, notes, and old receipts under old papers in that one drawer in your desk by your bed. She doesn't need to know why sometimes you can't fall asleep at night because you're thinking of me, or why at family dinners your parents will ask what I have been up to.
Finally, if she asks you who I was to you, tell her you love her. She is testing you, and has the trigger of the gun right at your head ready to shoot, but put her in the limelight and just tell her it doesn't matter because you love her, now. She won't listen. She will ask again. But tell her she's beautiful. Tell her all the things you never had the guts to tell me, and from there I will leave no trace on your body.
From there, she will forget you ever mentioned my name. She will wash my lipstick stains from your sheets, and remove the extra toothbrush in your bathroom. She will ignore the way you twitch every time you hear my favorite artist or a familiar phrase. She will fill the spaces between your fingers and the holes of your chest. She will replace every scent of me with her own promises, insecurities and mistakes.
She will do all of this. She will, because when she asks you about me she knew I was the ghost of the apartment. And in the back of your head, you want to tell her that you no longer need saving, but by all means she can try.
Love,
Your past.
