Dear Future Roommate,
First things first, let me introduce myself. I am Avery, the World's Worst Roommate. How do I know this? Well I've been told, of course! I mean, maybe those exact words haven't been said, but being called "unliveable" multiple times tends to tip a person off. Even if it makes no sense grammatically.
Future Roommate, I can't wait to meet you, but I'm not as excited as my current roommate, Becky, is to get rid of me. You see, Becky and I don't see eye-to-eye on a few things. Those few things include me saying "Hey, wanna talk some stuff out?" and her replying with:
Now maybe you need some backstory as to how this room-sharing nightmare began, just so you know what you're getting yourself into. Well, a few months ago I replied to Wofford's invitation to study with a hearty "Thank you, I accept!" and was quickly enrolled in my first choice school. Life couldn't have been better, I was added to a Facebook page, then a GroupMe and I was thrown into a group of students in the same position I was in.
Excited and looking for a roomie.
Now, F.R., I want you to realize, I truly tried. I commented in group chats, played online games with a handful of kids, even got close to a few that I talk to today. But I was not prepared when I began talking to Becky.
Ding! 1 New Message.
"Hey, I know we've talked some but I noticed we like the same major and I was thinking we could request each other as roommates."
Now I was raised in a home where the rule was "don't talk to strangers on the Internet." Oh, how I wish I could turn back time and remembered that rule.
We started talking about college together. Our chats slowly became more and more frequent, Becky and I began Snapchatting daily and texting each other about our excitement over buying books and furniture and the like. Everything was great!
Then came move-in day.
I got there early and was finishing decorating when Becky appeared. She seemed normal enough, but I found it significantly more difficult to talk to her in person than I could online. She's shy, I rationalized, Or maybe just starting to get homesick. My views began changing that night, after we were packed into our dorm, just her and I.
"I think my friend is gay," she joked.
"Good for him!"
My response was met with a quizzical look so I opted to explain. "I mean, you do you and all that. Like, I don't label myself because I'm not done growing, ya know? Don't want to put a stamp on my head before I turn twenty and feel I can't change it."
Silence. A nod. A shrug. The subject was ended, we both went to bed.
This is where I start becoming god-awful.
1 day later: Me at my desk writing, Becky enters the room, sees me, shuts and locks the door.
"What did you mean by that?"
I obviously should've known what she meant, but I still gave a brilliant, "Huh?"
"The whole not-labeling yourself thing. What does that mean?"
Suddenly understanding that I probably shouldn't come out to my frightened, extremely Catholic roomie, I calmly say, "Oh! Yeah, no! Not a lesbian! Haha, I mean- yeah. Not sexually attracted to you I swear. Cool? Cool."
That marked the second awkward night in a row.
Now, not being sarcastic here, I really did make a mistake the third night. I decided to go out and... drink.
Yes, I gave into the omnipresent ability to drink underage in college before going to a party. Sadly, I never saw the party for I realized I had imbibed a tad too much and hurried back to my dorm where I passed out in the bathroom. Classy, I know.
Someone (thankfully) called campus safety and I was assisted to my bed while Becky pulled our RA to the side, requesting an immediate roommate switch. So, to recap, I'm trying not to die in bed while my roommate is trying to be rid of the nuisance that is me. Perfect, just how I wanted my first week to go!
Since then I've had series of meetings with a Counselor (my own decision, mind you. I recommend therapy to everyone), my RA, and the Resident Director. Meetings all resulted in the same thing: nothing.
No ones fault, of course, but there can't be any room switching because there aren't any available rooms. There's no way to make it work. So now, I'm in this great limbo where Becky is trying to contain her rage around me while I avoid my room at just about all costs.
Now, each day is a new adventure in room Hell-on-Earth, and I have plenty of stories if your interest has been piqued.
Inquiries about rooming with me can be sent right to the trash bin as I wish myself on no one.
The World's Worst Roommate