Dear Incredible Girl,

I know things have been going fantastic. We hangout on a regular basis, you’ve met my friends, I kind of know your girls, and my son adores you. We’ve had the “commitment talk” more than a few times, but of course on your terms. I’ve told you time and time again; I’m not looking for anything serious. We’ll have the discussion and every time you pretend like everything is alright. You do this because the arrangement seems so great. You don’t want to rock the boat, but deep down it’s eating at you.

I am honestly so sorry. I’ve never wanted to hurt you. When I tell you I don’t want to be with you, I know it seems like I’m trying to. I’m really just trying to be honest with you because I don’t want to lead you on. Wouldn’t that be worse?

You always seem to push aside my comments about not wanting commitment. A couple of days will pass after one of these “talks” and then you are right back at my apartment listening to music and watching movies with me. I get it, you are unbelievably perfect and I am a dumbass for not seeing it! I am going to let you in on a little secret though—I do see it.

This is exactly why I spend so much time with you. We are pretty much in a non-relationship relationship. It has no title and I want to keep it that way. Why change it? I’ve been having my cake and eating it too. I just don’t want to put a label on it. I am sure you are curious as to why this is. Let me try to explain.

You’re incredible, but I don’t want to commit. Maybe it’s my demanding job or the dad life. I’ll tell you straight up, I don’t want another girl. I have everything I need in you. I just don’t want the complications and added stress of a relationship. Without a label, I can still reap the benefits without having to put in 100 percent. I’m having a hard enough time trying to balance out my everyday life, I don’t need to try and balance yours too.

I know it seems like we are basically dating, but babe, we definitely aren’t. I continuously tell you I don’t want the boyfriend title. This isn’t new to you. I am upfront with you, so if you don’t want what I am offering, than you can leave. These days it seems like I’m always with you because you are exactly where I want to be. I just don’t want you to be my girlfriend.

Also, my career is beginning to take off and a new chapter of my life is starting. Not to mention 2016 just started. I’m not trying to be super-selfish here, but to be honest I am going to need to focus solely on me. Long days, stressful nights and trying to manage a large staff will take its toll on me. I am not going to have the extra time to give to a relationship. If I am going to commit to you, then I want to be able to give you my all. You deserve it and I don’t want you to settle for less. I know this is hurting you, but just know it’s not easy for me either.

Everyone gets into arguments for time to time, but these latest arguments have been packing some major heat. You want to know why I won’t be with you and then you scream at me and tell me you are done. I mean how many times are you going to bring me my t-shirts back before it’s actually over? These fights are like a new pop song on the radio. They keep getting more and more frequent and super-duper old really fast. Besides, we both know you’ll text me in the morning, apologize, and say a bunch of comical shit to lighten the mood. I’ll pretend like it’s no big deal, but deep down I’m hoping you’ll grow out of this phase.

Although you are pretty much perfect, I just can’t be with you right now. I hope someday I can be, but right now, I just can’t do it. I promise it’s not you. I just can’t give you what you want right now. I’m not ready to be committed. We are too old for games. When I do decide to finally take on the boyfriend role, I want to be sure it’s going to be long term. I expect you to go out and life your life. I don’t want you to settle for the bits and pieces I can offer you at this time. You deserve the world.

At some point you will finally walk away from this, just know it’s going to destroy me. I will grieve this like the relationship it almost was. I will know I let an amazing catch get away, but sometimes that’s just life. And as we all know, life goes on. Hopefully we have both learned from this experience. If it’s meant to be, we’ll reconnect someday. Please just know that this time spent together wasn’t wasted. I’ve grown so much and I hope you have too. You’re gorgeous, intelligent and hilarious. We both know you deserve the world, so please do us both a favor and go find it.

Love,

The guy who won’t commit.