I sat back for years and let you take advantage of my kindness and generosity. I didn't say anything when you made me feel like I was dirt. I didn't say anything when your words would slice through me like tiny thorns. It's like you could sense that I was too nice to start a conflict, and you used it against me. All those years you could have made things better, but you didn't. You used any chance you could to tear me down, to make me feel like I was always wrong. I walked around feeling worthless, dull, and unwanted. You couldn't let someone else be happy, you feared that someone else was living a better life than you were. I was young, I was innocent, and I was vulnerable.
I'm not now.
I will not take back the things that have happened because without them, I would not be who I am today. I would not know what it feels like to have lived through hell and succeed afterwards. I graduated high school without you, I got into college without you, I got scholarships without you. I am happy, healthy, and content without you. You can't keep someone down forever, and I'm here to prove that. I overcame addiction without you, overcame the death of my best friend without you, and I'll be achieving my dreams without you. Addiction is a cruel, unforgiving thing to deal with (you would know, right?) and you weren't there when I needed you the most. You didn't want to be there for me or else you would have changed. You could have changed, you could have apologized and shown effort, but something (or someone) was always more important. Can you imagine where we would be now if you had just accepted help? Think of all the great memories we would have made if you were sober. This isn't my loss, it's yours. You miss out on watching someone you love grow into a beautiful, happy young woman. But that's all you can do is watch. I will not let your negativity bring me down again. Instead I will let you watch me, and I will be friendly with you, but we cannot have the relationship that you wanted.
Maybe one day we can patch up what was lost, and I will look to you for advice or confide in you. Until then, I hope you will do your best with the second chance you were given. Take care of her and yourself, because you can't love others until you love yourself. I can move past and forgive what you did in the past, but I will not forget how you made me feel. That is what truly ruined me, and the one thing you cannot change. I hope that you can learn how to treat others, you'll spread much more happiness that way.
Sincerely,
The girl who stood up for herself
