To The Friend Who Decided I Wasn't Good Enough To Have In Their Life:
I thought you were going to be my best friend for forever. I truly thought you and I were going to grow old together, and do everything from get married to raise our kids with each other. We had dreams that were intertwined with each other. We were two peas in a pod, we were attached at the hip, we were everything best friends were supposed to be.
Until we weren't.
At first I will admit that you broke my heart. When people say a friendship break-up will hurt you more than a relationship break-up, you helped show me that they were telling the truth. The truth that I cried over losing you more than I've ever cried over an ex-boyfriend. The truth that I reached for my phone to text you and deleted my words more than once. The truth that going through our old pictures, and erasing you from the background of my phone felt like erasing a piece of myself.
It's true in a sense though, that we did end a relationship of sorts; we ended a love stronger than one I had ever had with a boy. And at first, I took all the blame on myself, I carried the burden of not being a good enough friend, as you had claimed. I re-thought every conversation, every text message, every sleepover over the past four years. I analyzed myself until I couldn't think straight. I asked everyone I knew if it was true, if I really was not a good enough friend.
But then, I realized this had nothing to do with me.
You declared I was not a true friend, I was not a ride or die, I was selfish and self-centered. And I let it define me. And then I decided it didn't. Just because you had an opinion of me, did not mean I had not done my best to be your best friend, and did not mean I had not done my best to be there for friends in my life. Losing you forced me to open up to others in my life, to depend on other people, and learn that they too had my back. It forced me to depend on myself to be strong. Losing you made me take a second look at the world, and I can't say I completely regret it. I centered my life around your friendship, and turned a blind eye to any other possibilities that maybe someone else was meant to be my friend forever.
Although I do not regret our years of friendship, I find myself looking forward to the future as well. Even though this may not be the path we pictured for each other, I'm glad I had the chance to walk through life with you during so many monumental moments.
With all my love and best wishes for the future,
Lexxie Lu
