Dear "Little" Me,
Oh the times of adolescence that I will never miss have just started for you. This is when you will question to yourself if you want to either pursue music as a career or take up other interests as well. Your best friend has moved away and this is a time where you will start to realize that your other "friends" will distance themselves from you because you won't partake in the drug-happy atmosphere. You will also choose to distance yourself as well because you do not want to be affiliated with people who were known for utilizing drugs.
I know you are also confused and lost right now, because almost all of your friends are experiencing things and emotions that you have not had yet. It seemed like almost "everyone" in school was dating someone, even though that was never the case. Your friends are starting to get boyfriends and first kisses. You felt like you did not fit in because you did not have a boyfriend or had your "first kiss". As much as I would love to tell you to wait until you are older to start dating, who knows you more than yourself? Me. You are going to start to date someone who is three years older than you and will make you feel some sort of love (puppy love) in the beginning. Fast forward two months, he will make you feel like you will never be good enough for him because you won't ever give him what he truly wanted. "If you really loved me, you would ____________ for me". You won't realize how emotionally abusive he was until you get older and you start to realize why it took you so long to start dating guys afterwards because you did not trust guys in a romantic perspective. You will experience countless nights where he would tell you that he would pick you up for a date and will never show. Not trying to make myself/yourself the victim, but in reality it seemed like to him like you were his own video game that he could try to manipulate to make it seem like he was in the right and you were the "bad guy".
As far as your first kiss that you have dreamt about since you were little like in all of those Disney movies? That will be extremely rushed and not the greatest first kiss you will encounter. Later on in the relationship, you will realize that all of the petty countless arguments (like making jokes with his best friend) were not worth crying over. You will eventually come to your senses and break up with your ex boyfriend again because you were on different life paths: You wanted to continue high school and pursue music while your ex was entering a local community college. You won't date again until you start college because you did not want to experience feeling worthless with any guy you viewed as a romantic interest.
You will battle self-doubt for many years not just because of your first relationship, but this is what triggered it in a relationship aspect. You will eventually fall in love with a great guy who will treat you like the woman you are. Just please trust me when I say that everything will turn out okay. Be patient; be kind. Even though right now you feel lost and scared doing things on your own, I know you will conquer and do great things later in life but for right now, learn to accept and be the amazing person that you are and will forever be.
Sincerely,
A Slightly Older You
