Dear Boy who deserved better,

I like to believe that in everyone, there is something to love. That “being out of a person's league" is just a stupid saying and believing someone deserves better than what another has to give is egotistical.

But, you truly deserved better than me and I am sorry.

I knew what I had in front of me. I really did. You were everything I begged for when I was sobbing myself to sleep because of a guy who undeservingly had my heart. The guy I pined over for months, the guy who broke my ability to connect.

Then I found you, and you were loyal and listened to what I asked for, even though it changed every five minutes. That was the problem though. I didn't know what I wanted. I've always hated the girls who put their boyfriends through such unnecessary drama yet here I was, doing exactly that. I wasn't my truest me, I was unsure of every feeling I had and I sadly just couldn't appreciate you.

I knew at some point in my life, it would be someone like you I'd hope to end up with. That's why I kept you around for so long. I hoped one day I would be unquestionably happy and I'd mature enough to handle the relationship I was in. I finally had the boy who sent random flowers to my doorstep, who was always a step ahead of me to make sure I stayed safe. I know love isn't supposed to sweep you off your feet every second; it's something to work at. But I was too afraid to even let my feet off the ground when you tried.

You taught me how a boyfriend should treat the woman he loves. But I wasn't the girl who deserved that quality treatment anymore. I used to love whole heartedly and unconditionally.

Don't get me wrong; I know I am great, I know my worth. I am a devout friend, a hard worker, a loving daughter and sister. I listen and I care deeply, on paper, I deserve you. But since the “me" in the relationship wasn't sure of what I wanted, I treated you poorly. I got so angry because I knew this behavior wasn't who I was, which made me even worse to be with.

I forced you to survive on the little crumbs of love I sparingly dropped. I knew I needed to let you go and I couldn't be selfish anymore by keeping you to myself. There is a world of people who could have given you healthy love, the love you deserve; the love I hope I can some day give too.

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they leave you. When I left you, I said goodbye out loud once. Then I just disappeared, no questioned asked or answered.

Afterward, I was so bitter all the time because you were better off without me. But that is what I wanted, I knew you could be happier and I knew it wasn't with me, at this point in time at least.

So please, treat the next girl like you treated me. Don't let me jade you. Don't make this a domino affect. Know what you want and how to get it. Go into the next relationship with every bit of hopeless romance still intact, it suits you better than you'd ever believe.

Love always,

The girl who had to let you go