Whether that person is a parent, child, sibling, spouse, or friend, loving someone who struggles with addiction is hard. It is watching someone you have know forever turn into someone you can't recognize right in front of your eyes. It's a difficult process, but it's not hopeless.
Don’t be embarrassed. For some reason, many loved ones of addicts feel guilt or shame surrounding the situation. They believe they could have, in some way, known what was going on without being told, or that they could have prevented it. However, we (as loved ones) need to understand that this situation presenting itself to us is not our fault, nor is it our job to pick up the pieces or heal the broken hearts. We are not the addicts. It is, however, a lesson.
There will be times where distance is the greatest option. It's terrifying not knowing what someone will do if you leave. What will become of you if you continue to let yourself go through the pain every day, though? Although you want to help this person, you must also make sure that you are keeping yourself safe and happy. You should be your first priority. This is not selfishness. It is sometimes the only way to make the other person understand that what they are doing is not only hurting them physically and mentally but also hurting those around them emotionally and causing distance between themselves and the ones they love. It may be the incentive they need to better themselves.
Relapse is a concept that is often overlooked looked because as soon as things seem to be going well, no one wants to think that things could go wrong again. However, relapse is a very real and common scenario with addicts; it's part of the healing process. It may seem harsh to automatically assume that your loved one will “fail." However, it's not a fail, just a wrong turn; they will get back on track again if it's what they want.
They have to want it. You can beg and plead and want them to want it with all your being, but that may not be enough. They have to accept that the decisions they are making are wrong and that they need to fix their situation. Without that, it's a standstill.
Being honest is hard. Telling someone you love that they're hurting you or that you believe they are making poor decisions doesn't seem right. It may be hurtful at first but it will eventually help them to see the impact their actions are having.
Don't put yourself down because you think you should have stopped something or because you feel you are being selfish. It's hard to watch someone you love struggle, especially when you know their potential. It's difficult to be let down repeatedly as well as feeling at fault. However, nothing you are doing is wrong. You need to take care of yourself. Keep your head up. This will turn out OK, and later on you will realize how much you learned about love, empathy, selflessness, and the strength you have every day. Most importantly, you are not alone. Stay strong.
