Dear A,

I know life hasn't been easy for you. I know you've struggled and experienced loss and you just want to mask the pain. I know you battle the demons inside your head every day and you just want to shut them up for a little while. I'm sorry that you're hurting, and I wish I could make it all disappear. I would take your pain and carry it myself if that meant you could be happy and healed.

You say you don't have a problem, but I like to believe that deep down inside you know that you do. I like to think that there's hope that maybe someday you'll be willing to get help. I hope that you'll be around for many more years, but I also know that you could die tomorrow. I just pray that this horrible disease won't take you too soon.

I know that you lash out because you're hurting, but I'm a person and I have feelings too. I avoid talking to you when you're in that state because you turn into someone I can't stand. You've hurt me and the people that love you over and over again without even realizing it. Sometimes it's hard not to resent you.

You think that no one cares, but the truth is you're the only one who doesn't love you. I get so frustrated because I don't know why you wouldn't love you. I don't understand why you don't care to be alive, and why you hate the world so much. I wish you weren't so stubborn and could see how great you are from my eyes. I hope that someday you will learn to love and care for yourself the way others do for you.

I'm so sorry that I'm not around much anymore. That was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. I know you think it's because I hate you, but you couldn't be more wrong. I'm not there because it's too painful to keep watching someone I love destroy themselves.

I know that you may never change, but I will always have hope that something will open your eyes to what you've been battling for so long.

Maybe someday I'll have the courage to give this to you.

I won't ever stop caring about you, even though it hurts me to love you.