Dear my infamous depression,

Does it feel nice to attach on to someone who doesn’t want you in their life? Do you like the feeling of being able to harass individuals who have enough problems in their life to deal with? Honestly, you are a terrible, and you should feel awful for the way that you attack the innocent.

I have dealt with you for years now, and I have concluded that my life isn’t the same unless you are here with me. Why should I have to feel this way? Should I really have to go through life always being afraid of what other people are thinking about me? The answer is no. Nobody should ever have to experience the hatred that you bring into lives. But, sadly, many people suffer daily because of you. I want to try and end that, but every day you provide barriers upon barriers for me to try and jump over.

I was doing so good. I finally loved life and everyone in it. Then, you had to go and tear that away. You had to attach on to my best friend who has gone through so much in their life. You had to be a piece of shit and cause more chaos. I will never forget this day. I will never forget how mad I was at myself when I received the call saying that my friend took their life. I not only blamed myself, but I blamed you. I blamed YOU for killing my best friend. For making their life so awful that the only way they believed they could be happy was to be gone forever. It was this exact moment that I knew I was going to try and stop you from harming another person. Enough was enough.

But I was wrong, you just latched onto me and made my life worst. It was now my second year in college, and I should have been looking forward to a Wind Orchestra Tour to Sweden and Norway. But, instead, I was saddened on Christmas Day, wondering what it would have been like if my friend was still here to talk to me. I remember unlocking my phone and searching the old messages between us. I was looking for signs of what happened to drain my friend. But instead, I just found all our deep conversations.I knew I should have deleted these messages. I knew I should have deleted my friend's number in my phone that is still there to this day. But, instead, I started balling my eyes out. I have only balled my eyes out twice in my life: the day my friend died, and this very Christmas Day. The only times I have full on cried for hours was because of you. Because of the horror that you brought to my life.

In ending, I want to say how much I truly hate you. You are so terrible to attack innocent people. To drain their energy every single day so you can gain power. So you can make their lives a living hell, and your life the happiest ever. But are you truly happy? I don’t think you could be so happy knowing how much pain you cause in a person. But I guess I will never know; maybe you are truly evil.

I hate you,

Grant