Welcome to letter 5, if you made it this far and didn't turn back, I'm proud of you.

All throughout my childhood people have always told me to look for the positive in the negative, the white in the black, the good in the bad. But what people don't tell you is depression is a cruel thing. I don't remember good, or positive memories. I remember the bleak childhood I had. I remember some of my elementary days when people laughed at me for my stutter and I wouldn't do anything about it because I was shy. How would you feel if someone picked on you constantly for something you couldn't control? I remember begging my mom by the curb of our old house for a couple minutes for her to not put me in speech therapy. She did anyways and I was in speech therapy for years after that.

After fifth grade, I went on to a middle school a little bit away because my mom didn't want us going to a closer school. I remember sometimes being late because my dad didn't want to wake up in time to drive the 20 minutes to get there in the morning. I remember being pulled out of that school shorty after my 6th grade year to transfer to a small school in New York. Mom and dad had a fight, and my mom uprooted all us kids to a small town in New York for a year. After my 7th grade year we moved back, except to a new city. We moved back in with my dad and started a new school for my 8th grade year.

Half way through my 8th grade year my parents split up, I moved in with my dad and the rest of my siblings stayed with my mom. With each move, and constantly being the new girl, I never had that solid ground to make roots. I started my freshman year in the same city I finished middle school in, but, three months in, I was pulled from the school and started home-schooling because we moved to a not-so-safe part of town. That was my freshman year.

Sophomore year came around and I wanted to go back to an actual school. I was yearning for a normal high school life so I was enrolled in the high school in the city I currently reside. Small suburb, everyone knows everyone, no one ever leaves type of town. This town is too safe, like we have too many cops to have anything bad happen. I graduated my junior year and got the hell out of that school. Don't get me wrong, this school isn't a typical school with designated groups of students. We all got along with everyone, and no one really had bad blood between us. If you minded your life, we minded ours, that's the way of the schools here. But I wanted out as soon as possible, I wanted to distance myself away from the "cookie-cutter" kids of that place.

Moving around a lot didn't give me stability. I was always scared I was going to end up moving again, so I kept to myself. I could never really plant roots in one place because I would move very soon afterwards, no friends, no peers, no lessons. Moving around a lot is reason five on why my life is turning out the way it is. Enjoy the other 8 reasons.