Hey there,
I don't know if you've heard this lately but I just wanted to say this: I'm so proud of you. I know I don't tell you it enough and I'm sorry. The truth is, I haven't found the time to just sit back and reflect on everything that's been going on or has gone on in my life. Lately I feel like I have this weight holding me down with no space to breathe.
Then again, it could just be my anxiety.
Whatever the case, there's really no excuse. I haven't been honest with you and it's time I let you know. Look at you, you're twenty-three, you've been alive and breathing on this crazy planet for the past twenty-three years. Do you know how many people don't get the chance to say that? And yet, here you are, living life day by day.
I've watched you your whole life and been with you through every single moment. Through all the highs, which there are so many things you've dreamed of and achieved already with many more on your list. And all your lows, which I've watched you conquer and battle through them which such grace. Everyday you surprise me with what you're capable of, sometimes I don't even think you see it yourself.
So I want to remind you of all the things you may not realize. And whenever you feel like you're not good enough or going anywhere in life--which I know happens often, you foolish person--please look these over and remember why you deserve to be a part of this world just like everyone else.
You may not notice it, but you light up whatever room you enter. Stop thinking you just blend in with the crowd.
The friends you have now will always be with you for the rest of your life. I know you haven't had the best luck when it comes to making and keeping friends. But you had to go through that in order to get where you are now. And it was worth it, because you've found some pretty amazing people (you know who you are).
If you don't want to put on makeup today or any day for that matter then don't. Others may compliment you but in the end you'll only feel ugly for deciding to do something that society feels is a required obligation for your day-to-day lifestyle.
You will probably never get rid of your anxiety. I know it's a tough thing to hear and I've seen you struggle with it so much. But just because you can't defeat it doesn't mean you have to let it control you.
If you hear a song you like that comes on in the club and no one wants to dance with you during it, go out and dance to it yourself. It's better to get out there than bob your head along to it on the sidelines.
People want to hear what you have to say. I know you have so many thoughts swirling around in your head and you do a good job of writing them down on paper and shoving it away in your drawers. It's time you use your voice more.
Your dad is never going to be in your life, but I think you're okay with this. Maybe you thought he could change, but you've gotten tired of waiting so stop.
Have more patience. Whether it be with your friends, family, errands, traffic, or important life choices. Just be patient.
Talk to your brother more. Because there's gonna come a day where he won't be living the next room over from you anymore.
Take your grandma out for lunch, go to the casino with her and loose all your money, spend the day outside reading in her backyard during the Summertime or come over on a rainy day to watch game shows. It hasn't hit you until recently that she's getting older and as much as you want to believe she can live forever, she won't.
Hug your mom more and tell her how much you love her. Because she's been through hell and back lately and she's the true definition of brave. She's your best friend and lately you've treated her as only an acquaintance. Always remember that people will come and go out of your life but your mother will always be the one that will never leave you.
You're a damn good writer and you're going to make something of yourself someday. I can't wait to see a book with your name on the cover in a bookstore.
Sure, money can buy you a lot of nice things. But one thing it will never buy you? Happiness.
You will get on a plane one day and you will go to Ireland. Stop making excuses like no money or not the right time. The time is now.
I know you don't believe it or see it right now, but you're absolutely beautiful. One day you're going to look back and realize how stupid you were for ever thinking you weren't.
Every time you take a breath, someone is taking their last. Never take yours for granted no matter what your anxiety is telling you.
You look good in those pants, don't let the mirror tell you otherwise.
I know you think your future career is so far away. But when you feel like you're not good enough remember to look at that diploma framed on your bedroom wall and those acceptance letters for grad schools. You've worked so hard it's time you see how far you've come with your success so far too.
You have a beautiful smile, make sure you show it off more.
If you want to dance again then do it. Because you'll regret not doing it while you can.
It's okay to cry sometimes then let it fester inside you. Let it out, you'll feel better.
Junk food will always taste better than salad.
Google is not your friend, so stop going on it when you think you have the worst case scenario.
Social media should not be the first and last thing you see before you go to bed and wake up in the morning. Learn to control yourself more with it before it consumes you.
It took you twenty-two years to find a guy who made you believe in love and that a future with someone is possible. For most of your life you got the short end of the stick when it came to guys coming and going in your life and he was the first one whose remained. Stop thinking he's going to leave and appreciate him more because he cherishes the ground you walk on and would do anything for you.
And when you both talk about creating a room solely dedicated to displaying every single one of your books and turning it into a library with a sitting area, fireplace, a desk to do your work on and a million blankets to keep you warm, start believing that it will happen.
I know you're not quite there yet, but one day you're going to feel so genuinely happy with both yourself and your life that you'll look back at the moments when you didn't see the point in living and thank yourself for finding that sliver of strength to keep moving forward.
You've come so far and even though you're getting older the journey has just begun. I can't wait to see what else you accomplish.
Keep reaching for the stars.