Some people really do come into your life to teach you a lesson, you taught me many. From the day we first met, I excused your actions because I thought you were good. That’s what I do, I assume the best in people. You came into my life as I was about to hit rock bottom, but you did not intend to really help me. You made me trust you by telling me that you were in the same position I was. I regret opening up to you, more than I regret opening up to anyone.

As I’ve mentioned, I did believe you had good intentions. I couldn’t see that you were feeding me negative energy while giving me an outlet to vent. The summer went on and so did our conversations. They stopped, but then your true intentions began to show. Suddenly, our friendship took a 360. As I eventually realized, you were finding comfort in my sadness. It made you feel less alone in this world, and made me an easy target as the girl to become your next emotional crutch. Of course, I would always fall for it. No matter what was going on in my life, I’d fill you with compliments and positive energy, the opposite of what you had ever offered me. I always want to help people, so don’t think I didn’t want to help you, I just now believe the only way I could have ever “saved” you was to be as miserable as you were. I wasn’t your light in the dark, I was a light that joined you in the darkness.

You told me that I was “lying to myself” when I said I hate when people pity me. You assured me that I found joy in people’s pity. You had no idea what I was actually going through, because I didn’t want to waste your time with my problems when you had your own. I was pushing people away, not asking for them to pity me. People literally had to plead for me to let them in. I was not seeking for them to pity me, and I will always refuse to accept pity. To me, empathy is more valuable than pity. Clearly, we have different values, and you believe that yours are always right. I should have ended our friendship right there, but I continued to forgive your actions due to your facade of kindness.

You eventually won, I sunk into your misery through a dreadful panic attack. This was then proceeded by tears, anxiety, hate, bitterness, and guilt. You continued to seek my attention, as you wanted me to be your emotional pillow. You freed yourself from your own guilt by rationalizing that because you told me I was beautiful, it was okay for you to play with my emotions.

However, while I will always hate myself for letting you do what you did to me, I will never hate you. Many people find it easier to hate than to forgive. I have since learned that hate is exhausting, and it’s much more rewarding to move on.

This is not a sob story, I do not blame you for what happened to me. Actually, I want to thank you for all you taught me. Thank you for making me realize that I am more than an emotional crutch. I can still be a light even if I let other people help me. Thank you for helping me establish who I prioritize in my life. You taught me what an unhealthy friendship was, so I learned to appreciate the healthy ones more. These healthy friendships continue to help me recover from the pain I let you cause. Thank you for reminding me that having people join you in the darkness and feeding them negative energy will not heal you, it will just make you more alone.

I’m sorry that we must say goodbye, but I believe it is best for the both of us. I hope you don’t hate me, as I refuse to hate you. The negative energy your friendship brought in my life has physically hurt me, so it is time for me to let go of that. I hope that someday, you learn the same lesson, and let go of all of the hate you possess. Perhaps then, you will finally be happy and free.