Everyone has that one person in their life— no matter how many times you’ve said goodbye or you swore to yourself you’d never bother with again, you always find yourselves drawn together by a force greater than your own pride. Most times, people find themselves rationalizing this by claiming “it was meant to be” as an excuse for the power that other person holds over them, gripping and dominating them completely.

In relationships like these, love is never equally shared and one person is always under the other’s thumb.

What do you do when you’re not the one in charge, but rather the one being oppressed? What can you do?

Unhealthy relationships are more common than you may think. The basis for a dissonant relationship relates to one’s personality— either you strive for control or you become a backseat passenger to your own life and succumb to passivity. A common misconception is that there’s no room for two strong characters to thrive, so one has to retreat to the shadows in order to let the other shine, and that this is expected of them.

However, in a healthy and ultimately successful relationship, mutual respect allows both partners to blossom in a supportive and loving union without one person dimming the other’s light.

Those who are passive often end up being overshadowed in a relationship, as they allow minor discourtesies to pile up until it reaches full-blown disrespect out of fear of insulting their partner or harming the relationship. Standing up for oneself should never be disregarded or traded in favor of something or someone else. In the end, all you have is yourself, but how much of yourself can you compromise without finding your identity being stripped away?

Most people tend to overlook present unhappiness in a relationship in favor of reminiscing on “good times” in hopes that it will someday miraculously get better. What eventually ends up happening is a quiet kind of chaos, where someone inevitably ends up hurt or trampled.

The first step one should take in order to avoid this is maintaining a healthy amount of self-respect—if you don’t love you, how can you expect anyone else to love you properly? When someone truly values themselves and doesn’t rely on validation from others, their sense of self is completely solidified and will not allow any injustices to offend their character, be it minor or major. Partners should also work together to set clear boundaries to eliminate any potential strife and to map out where the other’s principles lie. If none of this can help mend your relationship, it might be time to let go.

Letting go is so much harder than anyone thinks.

You share a part of your life with someone, creating fond memories until it suddenly crumbles before your very eyes. But if your integrity is being taken advantage of and you find yourself drained rather than delighted after spending a day with your partner, you need to start considering terminating the relationship altogether. You’ll thank yourself later.