The Beauty Of Finding Your Voice After Being Silenced
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Health and Wellness

The Beauty Of Finding Your Voice After Being Silenced

"Life is rocky when you're a gem."

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The Beauty Of Finding Your Voice After Being Silenced
Emily Dwyer

I know that place, that feeling, the betrayal and hurt, but I also know the silver lining to it. What matters most is how you pick yourself up, and learn from this moment. Learn to never let people treat you as they did or make you feel as they did. Granted, this is easier said than done.

Recently, I had a pretty hard betrayal with someone I thought loved and cared for me more than they did. I thought of this person like a family member. Sure, all family members fight and want to rip each other's hair out, but they should never make you feel helpless and twist your stomach into endless knots of sadness and anxiety. Being yelled at or treated poorly by someone you thought so fondly of is pretty crushing, especially when they manipulate your relationship with them, you will cry (a lot), get mad, and then cry some more. A pro-tip for the crying, go to a bakery because they will feel bad, and give you free cookies.

It only takes about 30 seconds for rock bottom of a relationship to be reached, and it is often unpredicted. I knew how to stand up for myself, I knew how to converse with adults, but why was I so hurt and helpless here? How did this person have it in them to talk to and treat me like this? Yep, pretty unexpected for you and maybe for them too. The feeling you have, that churning in your stomach, you can do two things with it. But for starters, cry and get free cookies and do not think twice about the calories. Then you have two options.

The first one is to let this haunt you, fear the fire brewing inside of you, and just sit in sadness and blame yourself. This choice is highly ill-advised and does not lead to best results. I know, you are thinking life will never be the same. And honestly, it won't be, but that is okay, probably good as everything happens for a reason. What this person has done has hurt you and affected you in ways you did not see coming. It will take awhile to change the dark picture you have of them, if it will change. This memory will be with you forever but it is your choice how it will affect you. Embrace the sadness, then learn to move on. Do not be ashamed of your sadness, as they may see this as their "victory," so what, you have feelings? You thought this person was family to you, you have every right to mourn the loss of this relationship and their behavior speaks volumes on their behalf, not yours.

The second option is to embrace this fire inside of you and find your voice. It is hard, and the truth is life is tricky and you might be in this place again, but this time allow yourself to be much more equipped to handle it. After the hurt and betrayal, reevaluate who is in your life and the power or control they have over your emotions. Understand that words are cheap and it takes about 10 seconds for someone to crush you, but a whole lot longer than 10 seconds to fix it. Keep this in mind when communicating with others, allow this fire inside of you to stay with you in the healthy sense, to learn from and to know how not to treat others. There is irony in learning what not to do from an adult you once glorified.

A challenge for me is standing up for myself, which will forever be a work in progress. But I will not let this situation control the progress of that. It is important to know, even if it is an adult speaking to you, you should never feel like you do not have a voice. If you are being spoken down to or treated poorly, you have every single right to calmly stand up for yourself, never let anyone tell you otherwise. Defending yourself and stopping aggressive behavior is in no sense disrespectful and no one should make you afraid to stand up for yourself. People who mute you or make you feel inferior do not love you as much as they think, love does not make someone feel this way and should not be used in such a twisted way to make amends. Love and family does not treat other in such a way.

Surround yourself with true friends who remind you of the true beautiful human you are. These are the people you need, the ones who build you up, not tear you down. In the rock bottom moment, you might feel alone regardless of how many people are watching the scene unravel. It is important to remember how many people genuinely love and want to help you in this moment.

Finally, forgiveness. My bittersweet quality is my constant need to forgive and not hold grudges, not necessarily because they deserve it but finding forgiveness for myself and the situation just helps me in the long run. Which is healthy and good, but it is important to remember what happened, especially if this person will be staying in your life. Forgiveness is important and you can not keep bringing up the past, but you need to let them know how upset and low they made you feel. They might respond with tears or they may be happy to see your tears. Not in some evil, dark, revengeful way, but they need to know their actions were wrong. When and if they apologize, take your time accepting it and make sure you are mentally okay enough to move on. This is the only way to move forward in a healthy relationship.

Orrrrr, some people will not be ready to move on, they are not ready to come to terms with what happened. Sometimes they will lie, and possibly drag others into it or try to change how others view you, stay above this. Be confident, know who you are, know your feelings are valid, and you were present in the situation. Just because you may be way younger than the other party, does not mean your story has no credibility. Accept responsibility where it is due, but know the fire inside of you was sparked for a reason and this is your time to stand up for yourself.

Their behavior says nothing about you and way too much about them, I advise you to disregard the micro-aggressions and the dramatic theatrics, just do not feed into it because that is what they want. This behavior does not deserve your time and energy and just leads to bigger problems. I know, watching the cowardly behavior unravel in front of you is hard to stomach, but know that this too shall pass. Sometimes we have adults in our lives to learn exactly what not to do. Not everyone displays model behavior all of the time and some people just end up disappointing, but life will move on.

I hope whoever is reading this finds empowerment in the words I wrote. I am writing from a true sense of recent and raw emotion, but a type of emotion that I believe others relate to and I hope I can provide comfort to those going through similar situations. This in no means is a "roast" or a "petty blast" to the internet, but rather a story of a girl who used to fear her own shadow finding her voice and encouraging others to do the same. I had these two options in the choice I had to make, and had two pretty wonderful people show me the positives and silver linings, which resulted in this article, keep these kinds of people close. And know, this too shall pass.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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