I loved someone and lost him. It's incredibly fresh, and it kills me to think of the good times AND the bad parts of it. Dragging the breakup out was the worst thing I could have done for myself, knowing what I know now.
Lesson 1: When someone wants to leave, let them.
It will only cause you heartache to fight for something that someone else won't. Trust me, it isn't worth hurting yourself over and over to try and salvage something that was over before you realized it.
Lesson 2: You can't fix people.
You can take responsibility for what you could have done differently, and you can grow to know what the best course of action is for yourself and anyone you care about in the future, but you cannot make someone's problems go away, no matter how much you want to put emotional band-aids on. You can be there for them if they want to make their own changes, but you can't do the changing yourself, nor can you make them want to change.
Lesson 3: Space is important.
I never really figured that space was something that should be had in a relationship because it seemed to me that if you really wanted the other person, you'd want to spend every moment with them. But I learned that if someone doesn't have space to think, it can get stifling. This was a fault of mine, yes, but I had to learn it somehow.
Lesson 4: Intentions aren't always what happens in the end.
I always intended for things to be perfect, and I can't make perfection happen. It is impossible to achieve absolute perfection...you just have to accept your own brand of close-to-perfect. If it's not your own brand of perfect, you can either work through it or accept that it's over or can't be fixed. There's really no in between. You can't make the other person different than he or she is.
Lesson 5: Love can only go so far.
I knew that communication, honesty, and openness were absolutely crucial. However, I didn't realize that without the other person fully understanding you in that regard...you can't use what love you have to justify a relationship that doesn't work. If you truly love the person like you say you do, you have to make sure both parties feel loved and open and honest.
Lesson 6: A relationship doesn't just create itself perfectly.
Forgiveness and trust are not just easily given. You have to really work at them-the words are not enough. This goes both ways.Communication is something that is incredibly important, but so is listening.
Lesson 7: This sucks.
It's a lesson I've learned over and over. But hopefully, time will heal all wounds as they say, and things won't be quite so bad forever.
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