It's officially over.
My relationship has come to an end and I've learned I have no regrets. I needed to find closure and after a recent phone call, I finally got just that.
There was a dramatic (and somewhat stupid argument) that took place and led to the end of our relationship, but it wasn't the fight itself. It was what he realized. The reaction he had to our fight made him realize that he isn't ready for a relationship. His quick reaction to a simple fight made him realize he needs to break a cycle. He told me that he can't be worrying about someone else all the time and that he needs to worry about himself. Some may call that selfish, but I call that being mature. Some may call what he said a lie, but after hearing it from himself and thinking about it all, I believe him and I agree with him.
He assured me that there wasn't someone else and that he was not going to be in a relationship in general. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy getting to know me for the last few months or spending time with me, he thoroughly enjoyed all of that. He just realized after our fight that he needs to take time for himself and needs to stop jumping from relationship to relationship. Maybe if he takes time for himself, he will get to a point where he's ready for a relationship and he will break the cycle.
I can't be mad at him for any of this. I'm happy that he realized this now rather than later down the road when we both would have been hurt even more. Being mature is realizing that you aren't ready for something. You can't be in a relationship if you're not one hundred percent in.
After the fight I was heartbroken and upset. I really wanted things to work, but I understand where he is coming from. I want nothing but the best for him and if that means him needing to do his own thing, I support him. That's what you do for anyone you care about. I care about him and part of me always will. Maybe we rushed things, maybe we didn't. I think we both just fell into something quickly and while we truly like one another, we both maybe needed to assess the situation before jumping in. Obviously, I'm saddened by this and I would think he is too. It's hard to say goodbye to a relationship after you invest time and becoming emotionally invested. I won't sit here and say that I'm not sad. I'm sad it's over but I'm glad he realized he isn't ready now. I'm not sad that I met him, his friends, or his family. Meeting all of those people and seeing how he is around them is one reason my feelings grew stronger for him. It's hard lately because I still think about what he's doing, how his day was, and all of that stuff. As much as I want to talk to him, I know that for us to remain friends, we need some space, we need to worry about ourselves and then we can return to a friendship. I'm okay with how things ended because I know that the end of the day, I still have a true friend who will be there for me. While a relationship didn't play out the way we hoped, everything happens for a reason and he came into my life for a reason and I'm thankful.
If you're reading this, I want you to know that I regret nothing. I want you to know that everything I wrote to you and everything I said is true. I only wish the best for you and hope that we remain friends and that you don't shut me out. You mean too much to me to lose you completely and I'll always be here for you. I think you're right and that you need to "pivot" in more ways than one. You do you for a while, you owe that to yourself. Go figure out what you want to do, who you want to be and don't let anyone stop you from following your dreams. I'm so thankful for all that you have taught me. Most importantly, you taught me how to trust again. I can't be more thankful for meeting you and having you in my life. Thank you for the past three months; they were amazing and I hope that down the road, in some capacity, we stay in touch and that our paths cross again.
