I was just at a family reunion for a wedding, and trust me, my immediate family and I had our arguments and tense moments, and not everything went smoothly. My family has its quirks, stress points, and difficulties.

Every family is different, and I won't pretend to know all the unique dynamics involved in the different kinds and styles of families.

This is just one piece of advice that I learned through a family reunion/vacation. OK? Good.

If you have a family member (or members) that don't know when to stop joking about something you did when you were a kid, or tries to bait you into reacting to them when they speak to you by using inflammatory language, OR, you get hurt by someone's actions or words when wounding you was DEFINITELY NOT their intention (wow, that can happen? yeah, you can be hurt by an unintended offense, those are real things), here's my piece of advice - the more you react to whatever it is that bothers you, if you respond to them bringing it up by telling them to stop bringing it up, the more likely they're going to keep bringing it up. Then, you're going to keep reacting poorly to them, and you're going to keep receiving wounds from others you care about that were never meant to be inflicted in the first place.

If you have a relative like this in your family, your reaction is something they try to get out of you because they enjoy annoying you. Your reaction is entertaining to them. Choosing to let go of whatever it is that they bring up, even if it really does bother you a lot for whatever reason, is hard (trust me, I know). But you can't change the other person's behavior. No matter how hard you try, you won't get anywhere trying to do that. But you can change YOUR behavior and reactions to that person when you're around them. And the more you monitor and investigate how and why you react the way you do, the more in control of yourself you'll be when you're around that antagonistic person, and the less satisfaction you'll give them by not reacting.

Also, after a while of not getting the response out of you that they want, they might get really bored and stop trying! Who knows?

Okay okay, I know...that's a really optimistic view of people. I do believe that people can change. I believe people can change their behavior and their view of the world. But I also know and understand that only really happens when the person whose behavior is bothersome is WILLING and WANTING to change their behavior to be a better person.

So, to those of you who know for a fact that there's that one person in your family won't change or be ever willing to, please remember THIS if nothing else from this article — your happiness and ability to truly enjoy the time you have with the other members of your family present at the reunion DOES NOT have to be ruined by one person's behavior, what they say, how they say it, or how they treat you.

You are allowed to feel annoyed. You are allowed to feel hurt. You are allowed to feel agitated and irritated. All of the feelings you have are VALID. However, acting upon our feelings can often be what initially starts the major conflict or cause tension within yourself, and between you and those around you. Remember to take time to THINK about what just happened before you RESPOND, you might be surprised at what you find when you give yourself time to process things more clearly.

Sometimes talking about it with that person, really addressing the issue and bringing it up in a way that is constructive, healthy, and free of violent language or intensity in tone can REALLY help. Trust me, my mom and I had one of those conversations over our family vacation that was tagged on at the end of this family reunion. It was one of the rawest, vulnerable, hard, challenging, productive, and healing conversations I think I've ever had with her.

So, if that gives you hope that those kinds of conversations can happen, then I'm glad.