I wish that his eyes didn't share the same views. I wish his brain and mine didn't hold a vault of the same memories, but mostly I wish that wishing these things could make this pain and heartache go away. But it can't, because wishing is for the stars and dreaming is for the petty. The only thing there is to do in situations like this is to live, to move on, and to love another when you're ready.

However, do not let the first love be a grip, an obligation, or a situation. Let your first be a friend, be yourself, or simply be something you can indulge in without feeling guilty. Let your free falling drop into the future be filled with the things that feed your heart smiles with heaping sides of adventure, let yourself- mind, body, and spirit be comfortable with being alone; embrace your independence during this time. Let your good days be spent in the company of serenity and bliss, instead of being spent trailing behind someone that casts shadows over your beauty and accomplishments.

Wishing to erase the past is wishing to forget all of this. It would be wishing away all of the trials and tribulations that you now deem as life lessons though they may have left you with scars. Live for the things that once caused you so much pain but now force you to grow. Wishing is for the petty- living is for the strong.

Let me continue by stating how hard it will be to be strong, and how important it is to hear “it's ok to not be okay”. I've recently realized that falling in and out of love, whether it's with yourself, a friend, a lover- it's so prominent. It's so often. However, we can do one of two things. Either we can lay in this life and daydream that our past was never a part of us, or we can embrace our struggles. We can emerge from the dusty soil of person's past. We can water and feed the soil that once provided no nutrients to our greater good. We can grow into ourselves instead of growing into others.

For a year I was living off of my own human crutch, I was relying so heavily on what he thought about me, on what would make him happy- until one day I looked in the mirror and realized that I had forgotten so many things about myself, I forgot how much I loved to roll the windows down in the winter with the heat all the way up, I forgot how much I loved to sing in public, I forgot how damn important my faith was to me. Forgetting all of this wasn’t his fault, though, it was mine. It was mine for believing that he would be a person who wouldn’t let me forget, a person who would embrace each of my quirks- but he simply wasn't.

I'll leave with this.

Live. Live so eccentrically that everything you do is a “so you” action. Let the only validation you need in life be that of your own gut. Let the only embracing you yearn for be the warm sun embracing that of your skin. Finally, let the love you give be as pure, be as beautiful, and be as raw as you are.

I write this with love, I write this with acceptance, but most importantly I write this with no reprimand.