When I was a little girl, I loved to play in my inflatable kiddie pool in the backyard. On those really hot days in July, my grandma would pull out the hose and fill it up for me, and I would spend hours in three foot deep water pretending to be a part of some secret mermaid society. I would play until the sun started to set, and grandma would call me inside for dinner. With hands and feet wrinkled like prunes, I would ask her excitedly if she could fill it up for me again tomorrow.

The following summer, I dragged out the kiddie pool and hose myself. I decided that I was old enough to fill it up, and I had watched people do it so many times for me that I was practically an expert. So, I blew it up, placed the running hose, and waited patiently with bare feet in my pink one-piece. Well, as patiently as a seven year old can. Anyway, I sat there for what felt like hours, but was maybe only 20 minutes, and the pool still was not full. I waited and waited, and eventually my dog came running out of the house and started drinking from a large puddle on the other side. It turns out there was a hole in my little inflatable pool. When I saw this I ran inside and started sobbing to my grandma. She asked me if I was hurt and I shook my head. I took a deep breath and I said "Grandma, I tried to fill up my pool, all the water got away, and now my pool is broken."

This happened over ten years ago, and to this day, I can still remember the sadness and anger I felt. For some reason, I thought that I broke the pool (I would find out later that my dad had got it tangled with the lawn mower), and, being an environmentally aware child, I was angry with myself because that water could have been used in grandpa's garden. Not only that, but I went behind my grandparents backs just to prove I was a 'big kid' and I failed. I did all of that just for my pool to be broken? I was devastated.

I always remember this story when I find myself in situations where I'm probably giving more than I should. If you're like me, you may be the type of person who takes things into their own hands. In other words, if something is broken, you want to fix it. You'll do everything you possibly can and when there is absolutely nothing left to do, which is when a normal person would stop, you take the goddamn situation, turn it upside down, and shake it until you just get something.

Now, some people would think this quality to be admirable, tenacious even, but I think it is one of the worst qualities I have sometimes.

When it comes to relationships with other people that I really care about, I tend to put in more than I should. When they're feeling sad, anxious, angry, etc,. I'd do anything and say anything to make those bad feelings go away. When they want to distance themselves from me, I put so much effort into reeling them back in. Sound familiar to all you fixer-uppers? You care about people so much that you lose yourself in the process.

There comes a point in those relationships when you realize all of the effort has been one-sided, and it takes you a while to realize this because you're so caught up with how much you love and care for this person. Or, maybe at some point they did mirror your effort, but something inside of them changed, and your love became unrequited. You didn't even notice that their "I love you" doesn't reach their eyes anymore, and that they don't even ask you how you're doing. If they asked me now, I would tell them I am tired and I am drained. You can love all of a person, the good and the bad, and it's completely exhausting if they don't do the same for you.

You can take the time to fill up the pool, but it's never going to be full if it's broken. Don't waste your time.

Sometimes people wake up and they just stop loving you, and that is one of the harshest realities you have to face. You can't force someone to care about you. You can't force someone to love you the way that you love them. You can give them 100% of the support they need and never get that in return. You have to draw the line somewhere, kid. Don't let yourself cry over a hole when you never put it there in the first place.