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Many of you know this already but I played Division I softball at Campbell University for four years. It was an emotional, terrible, wonderful, amazing and life-changing experience. I met many people and learned many things. With each birthday, I learned what a new year of life meant and what it meant to be older and wiser. One year that really sticks out in my mind was my junior year in college. I was twenty years old, overweight and stuck in a mental hole that I couldn’t get out of. I did all the same things but still expected to lose weight, retain the starting position as a pitcher and be a better version of Courtney. I was the very definition of insanity. I never once changed myself in order to achieve higher success.

Wake Up Call

My wake-up call came in the fall of my junior year; I was no longer starting or even playing. I had no clue what was going on. I was heavier than I had ever been in my life and my relationship with my family and God was pretty bad too. I knew I needed to change but I was so complacent that I couldn’t bring myself to change. I continued through the winter holiday with mediocrity and false contentment. The spring season rolled around and for some reason, I thought that the fall was a big joke and I was going to be back on top again. Wrong.

Rock Bottom

I was benched virtually the entire season. My confidence was gone and I no longer felt that I belonged on the mound. I felt lost and confused. I was angry with my coaches and angry with God. I lashed out at people and turned my back on my family. I had no idea who I was anymore. I fell into a deep hole, one in which I could not get out of. I was hurting inside but no one around me knew.

I Began To See The Light

At some point, I decided to stop feeling bad for myself and get up and do something. I remember getting out of bed in the middle of the night and going into the bathroom. I took off my clothes and looked into the mirror. I looked myself in the eyes and told myself, “You have to change.” From that point on I did just that.

Turning The Year Around

By mid-season, I was a changed person. I began eating healthy, exercising more, giving everything I had at practice, being nicer, and enjoying life more. I became “lighter” as one of my teammates commented towards me. I became better and after losing weight I became more confident. During games, I accepted that my job was not to be the starter but to encourage my teammates and be the best cheerleader I have ever been. And I loved every moment of it.

Beauty For Ashes

After receiving the news that my G-Pa had passed, I decided to go home in late March. During that time I also went to counseling at our church. I learned one of the most important lessons of my life in that one counseling session. What you do in life does not define your self-worth. Your occupation, position in sport, ranking in your class etc., has nothing to do with your self-worth. Your self-worth derives from your soul and your heart. Who you are comes from the love you share, the laughs, your personality, your likes and dislikes, your inner core. Self-worth comes from being a child of God. It does not come from being a pitcher, or a lawyer, or a coach. It comes from within.

Back On Track

After learning that piece of information, I returned back to Campbell. I ended up having the best year of my life. I learned more about myself than I could have ever imagined and I have no regrets. Learning how to be a great teammate and person are life lessons that I will never forget.