I’m about to teach you the only drinking game you’ll ever need.
All you need is an internet connection and alcohol.
I don’t know if you know this, but there are full episodes of Legends of the Hidden Temple on Youtube.
“What’s that”, I hear you say?
Legends of the Hidden Temple is a game show that ran on Nickelodeon from ’93 to ’95.
Rivaled only by GUTS (do you have it?), this was THE show to watch. Teams of children competed in events to win pendants of life; these were used to enter the titular temple, and try and find an artifact. Winners were showered with prizes like Moon Shoes, Huffy Bikes, boom boxes…. Everything you needed to be the coolest kid at school.
But to be the man… you gotta beat the man. And the man was Olmec.
WOOOOOO!
Olmec and his trusty sidekick Kirk Fogg ran the Temple. They ran the events, told the story of the artifact, and watched the children compete for their amusement.
ON TO THE DRINKING GAME.
First things first, grab your beverage of choice. I would recommend beer, as this game can get quite intense, but you’re an adult, so do whatever the heck you want. (Disclaimer: I’m not responsible for anything that happens from this game, except the fun times!)
Second, find an episode you want to watch. They’re all good, so just pick one.
At the very beginning, Kirk will introduce the teams. Here is where the game begins. You’re going to select a team, so let me do a little breakdown.
Orange Iguanas: the one everyone forgets. Fuck these guys.
Green Monkeys: kind of a wildcard, to be honest. Sometimes they suck, sometimes they clean up.
Red Jaguars: bit of a ringer. Usually, sucks at the first event, but if they can get past it, watch out.
Silver Snakes: I hate them… but only because they’re so good.
Purple Parrots: The best team. I’m a ride or die for these bastards.
Blue Barracudas: People end up taking them just so they don’t have to take those god damn Orange Iguanas.
They’ll pan past each team, so take a moment to inspect the competitors. It’s like strolling past the stables before a horse race… gotta know what you’re getting into, right?
Next, pause the video. Here is where you’ll place bets. Let me give you an example.
Let’s say I want to bet on the Purple Parrots. I announce my intention and drink my bet. You drinking the bet is like placing the money on the table. “I’m putting 5 on the Purple Parrots”, and then I drink those 5.
After the first event, there will be 4 teams remaining. Everyone whose team succeeded gets to give out double the amount they bet, divided however they like. In the prior example, I would now have 10 drinks, and I could give everyone a few or fuck over one person and give them all 10.
People can then switch teams before the next event, and repeat the betting. There will be two teams left.
fuck you, steps of knowledge.
Repeat the betting once more; these two teams compete head-to-head in 3 rounds. The betting takes place before each event. If one team sweeps, victors get an extra 10 drinks to give out.
At this point, there should have been 5 rounds of betting and drinking. But we’re not. Done. Yet.
Finally, they’ve reached the temple. Drinkers will either bet “yes” or “no”. If the children DO in fact succeed, the bet triples. If they don’t it’s just doubled. This is because the temple is HARD. The win rate is only 26.7%. So there’s a bit of an advantage to picking no.
And watch out for the temple guards. Still give me nightmares.
This might sound complicated, but really it’s just: Bet. Watch. Drink. Repeat.
Give this game a shot next time you’ve gathered at a pre-game or casual event. I promise you’ll have a good time with lots of drinking.
Go Purple Parrots!
