As I stare blankly at the keyboard, wondering how to put into words my appreciation for you disappearance, I can't help but wonder why you did it. Although I'll never understand your reasoning behind leaving me in your past while I was looking into our future, I am forever grateful that you packed your bags. I will always be grateful that you kicked me when I was down. That you allowed me to hit rock bottom. Unlike you, I have reasoning. This made me find myself, even though at the time it was definitely not what I wanted.

Thank you for making me question my worth, because it made me realize just show much I deserve and how much you weren't and truthfully, couldn't give me. I have dreams, aspirations, goals, all that where much different than yours. Our paths lead to complete opposite destinations but I was so dumbfounded by your interest in me I put those aside in hopes you would complete me. Little did I know, I'm already complete.

Through your disappearance, I had to dig deep and re-find who I am because somehow, in the process of trying to make you love me, I stopped loving myself. I couldn't stand to look in the mirror and see the person looking back at me because I was so far from the goals and aspirations I once had. All because I was trying to make someone love me who simply wasn't good for me. I was always strong, independent, and happy.

The day you left, I looked in the mirror and realized I've become weak, desperate and overall miserable because I was constantly trying to be someone I'm not. I was trying to be a perfect version of myself in hopes that she would be easier to love. However, I failed to realize that I shouldn't have to change who I am for someone else to love me in all the right ways. I convinced myself that I'm hard to love but the right person will make it seem easy and effortless.

Thank you for making me do some soul-searching. I reconnected with Jesus, I've gotten into the best shape of my life, I realized what makes me happy and now I make my world revolve around that. I focus on myself and how I can impact the world with my positivity rather than how I can convince one person to love me.

Basically, what I'm saying is thank you for pushing me to my lowest so I can now strive at my highest. I will always appreciate you walking away because I had to find myself and what I was made of. I am no longer desperately searching for someone else to love me because I don't have to, I love myself...for the first time in my life.