Dear Ex-Best Friend,

The other day I couldn't help feeling that I missed you. We haven't said a word to each other for over six years, but that doesn't mean I don't try to find you. I don't show up at your door with my heart in my hand hoping for forgiveness or giving it either. I searched for your name online to see if maybe I could find the friend who used to love me without judgment. He wasn't there. Now, he's a man at a graduate school. I wanted to see if that loving guy who used to joke with me still existed. But in your Facebook pictures that familiar smile is a distant stranger's.

Then I remembered why we are not friends anymore. In the moment when I needed my friend to be there without judgment, he turned against me and used all my mistakes against me. When I asked for forgiveness, even if the timing was late, you gave me nothing. How dare you? To have the audacity to list yourself as a nonconforming human being free from whatever our peers felt in high school. I was young enough to believe that. Now I know that you fought dirty. Did you think I didn't know you were talking behind my back to other people? Don't think you're any different from the flock of high school gossip-mongers. We are not friends because second chances don't come by often. I forgave when my best friend hurt me over and over. But you failed to forgive me for one single mistake. That is a little boy and not a man expressing childish emotions.

I got big news. I have moved on since from our sordid friendship. My friends are amazing and so caring without a doubt. Oh yeah, they definitely don't doubt me because there is no reason to! In times of desperation, they didn't leave me. Instead, each one stood by me calmly. In a way, I have to thank you for being the crazy person I had to meet first. Without you I wouldn't have known how many good people are out there.

I'm not going to lie. There are days where I would give anything for us to go back to life before drama. I miss our movie nights that go on into the late hours. I miss our visits to the park and even just walking to classes together. Those times are long gone now. Thankfully, the past is the past and not worth repeating. I'm making the best memories possible with my crew. I'm receiving the love and friendship I deserve.

On this road, one can only hope to find the truth and people who matter. I pray you find the people who won't judge you so very harshly. I wish to never see you again in this world or the next. Once was enough.