Getting into a relationship sounds like a super fun thing. You have an automatic cuddle buddy, a best friend, a personal chauffeur, someone who regularly says "I love you," and someone to bury in kisses all day. Having a relationship is a great thing because it feels like you can be yourself around someone and also express your love for them.
But not everything is going to be a magical fairytale, and you're definitely not going to feel like you're on cloud 9 every day. It's clear that you and your partner are going to have ups and downs. That's a part of being in a relationship.
But what shouldn't be part of a relationship is you or your partner constantly feeling drained.
By this, I mean that you feel as if you can't do anything right by your partner. You have a hard time feeling the same sparks from when you guys first met. You also feel that your partner belittles you and makes you feel less than special. At times, you are afraid of what he/she might do.
At first, you try to push these red flags away because you love them so much. You still feel as if the spark will come back. But the more you wait, the less likely there will be a spark. You will feel like a completely different person.
Your friends will tell you to leave him but it's not that easy.
It's like, you understand where they're coming from, but they just don't understand. But it's still killing you.
And to the friends saying to "just leave:"
It's so easy to just tell someone to leave that toxic person. It may seem frustrating to watch your friend suffer, then take that person back. It also may seem annoying and emotionally draining for you as well.
Your friend understands where you are coming from, but they feel a sense of guilt if they leave that person. They also feel as if they can't survive without that person.
You have to stop and think for a moment about what it would be like to wear their shoes for a while. Try to be that supportive friend or family member to show them that there's more to everything than that toxic person. It's so easy to tell someone to leave from the outside, but on the inside, there's so many "what if's" in your head.
Going through a toxic relationship in the past taught me how to handle my future relationships differently.
In the past, I was in a relationship that I didn't consider "toxic." I always thought to myself, "I would never stay in a relationship where I was treated like crap. That's so dumb." I would always look at other people and wonder why they wouldn't just leave. If I heard stories of people taking their significant others back, I would just shake my head and say:
"That would NEVER be me."
I was with someone who was always so selfish and I felt as if I had to bend over backwards for him. Everything I did was just wrong. We had our fights like normal couples, but I was always sad when I left his place.
This relationship was also expensive because I was always the one with the money. He was always "broke." Soon, I was being taken advantage of. I always had to make excuses for him to my friends, and it was embarrassing.
But I still wanted to be with that person. I did see the red flags, but I ignored them because I thought I was happy with him.
I was disrespected constantly and insulted to the point where I made changes in my life to appeal to that person. I worked out excessively, stopped eating my favorite foods, and even cut some people off that he didn't like because I thought having someone like him would make my life better.
There are so many more things I experienced in the relationship, but I'm not ready to open up about those things yet. What I actually experienced was way worse, but I am just telling a little for those who need to understand. I don't want to get too specific about my life, but it's really big of me to tell everyone just a snippet of what I was going through.
Eventually, I found the strength to leave and started working on myself. I eventually met someone who I am NOT in a relationship with, but I am taking it slow. Right now, I think it's best to be surrounded by friends and family.
To those who would shake their heads about other people in relationships like me, think to yourself and try to understand what's going on inside. It is so easy to tell someone to leave, but actually doing so is hard.