The thing about toxic people is that they’re never the ones you’d expect. The toxic people in your life aren’t the ones you hate, or who annoy you or have done you wrong. They’re the ones who hold a piece of your heart with an iron grip, squeezing too tight with their ice cold hands. That’s what makes them toxic -- they’re poisoning your life, but you just can't seem to let them go.
You don’t have a toxic friendship with the girl you said hi to at parties and liked each others’ Instagrams, but then started hating when she tried to hook up with your boyfriend. Yeah, maybe she sucks, but the fact is, if you had no previous real connection with her, she’s irrelevant. A toxic friend is the one who’s presence is exasperating simply because you love her to death, but being around her is exhausting. Toxic friendships are the kind that start out with inseparability and good times and deep talks and lots of laughs, then slowly start to lose their sparkle as one of you changes and the other doesn’t. Or maybe you both do, for better or for worse.
Toxic relationships are never the kind where your feelings are mediocre and your blood doesn’t boil when he flirts with other girls. He’ll say all the right things and make you feel safe, happy even. You’ll be content. A toxic relationship is none of that; you won’t find safety or happiness, so stop looking. But you will find passion, lots of passion, and tears of anger so strong you feel like you could explode. You’ll feel doubt and shame and confusion. But, oh, how you’ll learn.
And then there are toxic people. They’re not your friends or your significant others, yet somehow they’ve managed to secure a spot of importance in your life. Maybe by blood, maybe by association, maybe by necessity -- whatever the reason for your connection, they will cause just as much damage. Maybe it’s her endless nagging and negativity that eat away at your zest for life, or the way his crude humor is nothing but funny, and how you feel sick to your stomach when he looks at you. These kinds of people don’t deserve roles in your story.
Whoever these toxic people are in your life -- let them go. It’s hard. Hell, it can be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do, but I promise it will make your life exponentially and exceptionally better.
The girl you’ve called your best friend since kindergarten? She might have had the best Barbies to play with in elementary school, and she let you use her eyeliner in middle school, and held your hair back after one too many in high school, but if she’s not making you a better person today, say goodbye. Memories are important, but they’re not everything. You can’t hold onto them as an excuse to stay friends if everything else is wrong.
The boy you could’ve sworn was the one? Maybe he brought you flowers on your first date and he knows all your secrets and he’s made you feel like no one else ever has. But if your relationship with him is the most stressful part of your life; if you cry about him more than you laugh, say goodbye. That’s not how it’s supposed to be, and that’s not how you’re supposed to feel. You deserve to be with someone who makes you excited to wake up and take on the world because you're together. You don't deserve to leave the party early to cry about him on the bathroom floor.
There are people in your life who suck the good out of your day like a leech. We all have them. It’s inevitable. Some are trickier to identify than others, mostly because we’re blinded by love and nostalgia.
But a history of memories and fondness is not enough to make up for your dwindling happiness caused by this person. I strongly believe that the key to being happy, they key to having a good life, is by surrounding yourself with good people. So do yourself a favor, and leave the toxic people behind in 2015.
You'll thank me later.
