Extroversion vs. introversion is a hot topic in my world. People all around seem to be learning about why they do the things they do, including me. It’s the beauty of psychology! Introversion and extroversion are defined by where you derive mental energy from: inward energy vs. outward energy. Introverts tend to get their energy from alone time and intimate gatherings, where extroverts are energized by interacting with others.
Unfortunately, intro/extroversion is misunderstood, and is often confused for outgoing/confident vs. shy/antisocial. It’s also a somewhat unknown that these traits lie on a spectrum. Most people identify as one or the other just because the two are polar opposites, but the truth is you can be, and probably are, a mixture of both. As a person who is almost directly in the middle of the introvert/extrovert scale, I would like to shed a little light on the subject. Hopefully I can give a little support and knowledge to the people like me who need it, and the people who aren't who are just confused by us.
Being in the middle, we love being around people, but not necessarily talking to them. Sometimes we just want to go into the world and feel the atmosphere and energy of others. We don’t feel the need to interact with new people while we're out there because new people mean small talk, and small talk creates barriers to real talk. Our introvert side hates small talk.
We are so flexible. Because we’re OK doing outgoing things, but also OK doing “stay away from people” things. We literally don’t have an opinion and therefore hate making decisions, which can really drive people bonkers. But because of our flexibility though, we almost never get bored. We can do all the spontaneous weird stuff but also be OK sitting alone in the house all weekend with no bra and a good book.There are literally endless options of things to do. How can we feel bored when there is so much world to see and also so much relaxation to be had?
We also almost never feel like time has been wasted. Sleeping, hiking, reading, sitting in silence with friends; almost everything feels good for our hearts. Unless it’s work related. If we are unproductive at work or school then we start to go crazy thinking of all the things we could be doing with that time. Like sleeping, hiking, reading, sitting in silence with friends.
We are forgetful and easily distracted. Since we love so many things it is easy to get excited and lose track of tasks. I can’t tell you how many times I have gone to visit someone on their birthday and forgotten their present, or that I have had a major epiphany and burned dinner.
People always seem to try to make us choose one side or the other, and sometimes they even get angry about it. Usually the confusion and anger arises because your extrovert side is more visible to others, but that's just the nature of extroversion. You're obviously going to see me in my introvert side a lot less just because I am usually alone when that is happening.
It's definitely OK to be right in the middle even though some people are confused by it. You’re allowed to cite your introversion as a reason for not going to a concert because you are totally emotionally fried and can’t be around that crowd of people. You're also allowed to say yes to that concert when you have been secluded for a week and need some extrovert time. It's nice to understand yourself when these situations arise so that you can explain to yourself and others what is happening. It’s OK to be a hermit one day and go to a party the next. It may confuse people, but in the end, who gives a crap as long as you are aware of yourself so that you can be rested, recharged, and happy?
If you are interested in learning a little more about yourself and where you get your energy, there is a really fantastic movement called "The Quiet Revolution" by Susan Cain, that sheds all kinds of light on these two personalities. If you are interested in learning more you should visit her site, read her book, and watch her TED talk! She's awesome!
