It’s not easy living with a disorder, and is never going to be easy; it just gets better. I know this firsthand. Anxiety has sent my life on a non-stop roller coast since the age of 11. It all started from simply looking in the mirror. I thought back to a time that was scary for me and I slowly felt my skin get goose bumps, my chest became heavy like someone was stacking bricks on me, my lips were numb and blue… I couldn’t speak. I was scared and I wasn’t sure what was happening, this was so strange. I’ve had this never happen to me before. After sitting down with a paramedic for 30 minutes we figured out it was a panic attack. I didn’t understand, I was 11 years old, why was this happening to me? This continued, but I learned to cope.

I was nervous, being 11 years old and not knowing how to handle something like that’s a big deal. My mom had suggested counseling, talking to some stranger who I knew nothing about and they wanted me to spill my feelings? Yeah that's going to go over well. But it did. Keara (my counselor) and I became very close. I saw her once a week and it helped. It started off with just talking about myself, how things were going and what was getting me so anxious. We worked on techniques that would help me keep myself sane. Things such as writing the alphabet backwards in the hand I don’t write in, deep breathing, going on a walk and coloring. All of these things helped a little, but it was still out of control. I was starting to become hopeless, why wasn’t this going away? Everyone kept suggesting I start taking medicine… Just the thought of that made me nervous because I didn’t even take anything because I felt like I was going to choke - why would I take them when I’m nervous? I pushed the option to the side, and Keara had a new technique to teach me. It was tapping.

When Keara suggested tapping I kind of chuckled to myself, thinking this would never work...but it did. Tapping consisted of me using two finger and tapping certain spots on my body repeatedly, usually areas that held a lot of energy. Every time I would move to a new spot I would I would tell myself that everything was going to be OK. At the last place I would grab would be my wrist and I would say peace. This worked for awhile but then wasn’t working anymore. I didn’t know what else to do. My anxiety got worse, I started to be in the slumps and not want to do anything; I was becoming depressed. I hated everything and felt so hopeless. I had to do what I was dreading, start taking medicine to help me get my life under control. I reached out to my doctor and we set up an appointment where I got put on pills. I could feel my body taking in what they gave me… I would try one type of pill for a few weeks and it just made things worse. I went months with changing pills and found nothing was working. I thought this was the end. I finally decided to remove myself completely from taking the medicine, and surprisingly I felt okay.

Now being 20 years old, nine years later I started to learn how to cope with my anxiety. My thoughts were slowing down, I taught myself when my mind started to spiral to the ground to take a deep breath and tell myself that everything is going to be okay. I learned through these longs years that talking to my friends,

family and loved ones really helped. They didn’t always know what to say, but they always listen to me vent. Going through all of those steps of trying to better myself were helpful even though they didn’t always work they at least let me know I tried. With still bettering myself each day, I just remember that taking a deep breath, stepping away when needed and talking to people will only help the problem not fix it. No one is perfect, and I’m slowly learning that things take time. I take my anxiety on day by day, trying my best to keep going strong. I’m forever proud of how far I’ve come with learning to cope with my anxiety.