Your whole life everyone tells you to be yourself. It’s a staple, your average greeting card of advice. But no one ever explain to you how complicated of a formula “being yourself” really is. In theory being yourself is easy, all it takes is cutting into your being and letting your essence ooze. I think we all know who we are when we are children, when we are young and new to hearing the word no. When you're little kid not being fully yourself isn’t an option. Your filter is new and barely used, you cry when you are sad, and scream when you are frustrated and furious. You dress how you want and don’t care what others say. Hell, I wore orange crocs with every outfit regardless of color schemes or the weather until I was 10.

However as you grow and become a more complex human being as do the pressures of life. Your sense of self gets diluted in puddles of anxiety, self doubt, and outside pressures.

We as a society are so desperate to fit in that, especially in our youth we push our true selves away like they are something to be ashamed of.

Puberty for me, and most girls was a very chaotic time. Everything was changing, there were new odors, new hair, and my shape was changing, but most pointedly my mind was changing.

As you hit puberty the way you view yourself changes, how you will look as an adult in no longer an abstract concept. You become more mature and aware of your strengths and weaknesses, your tastes grow away from your family’s and you begin the journey to understanding yourself.

This is the time when “just be yourself” feels like a suffocatingly impossible task. Just someone mentioning the phrase had me rolling my eyes. How could these adult give me such simple advice when everything in my life feels more intricately complicated than a spiderweb? I’m trying to figure out everything from algebra to my bra size. I’m navigating the glorification of drugs and alcohol, and it feels like someone is constantly trying to stab me in the back and half of the time that person is me.

So at the end of the day, I am a teenage girl. I love annoyingly edgy punk bands and musical theater. I obsess over the goriest horror movies and the cheesiest of rom-coms. I’m a strong willed feminist with a love for the holiday barbie collection. Sometimes I feel like I can conquer the world and other times my self confidence is shattered. I don’t know what I want to be, or what gender I want to marry.

So here is the real question: How can I ever be myself if I don’t have the slightest clue who that is?

I don’t know who I will be in the future, I don’t know what I want or what I’m doing half the time and I’ve realized that’s ok. Being a teenager is about feeling things, letting emotions wash over you, not blocking them out. It’s about exploring yourself in whatever way you want and not feeling any shame about who you are.

Be proud of who you are. Even if it feels like that person is constantly changing and evolving, love that change and love yourself. What I’ve learned through the chaos of youth, of heartbreak, impulsive passion, and tears is that it's ok to not know who you are. Just let yourself experience life and do things you are passionate about even if they seem silly or dumb. Make mistakes, learn your boundaries and morals through overstepping them and having to work back.

But don't rush... Just be who you are, whatever that means to you in the moment.