Before I enter into this discussion, I first want to acknowledge that not everyone has the ability to express themselves so openly, but that doesn’t mean they are any less deserving of love and acceptance.

Secondly, during Black History Month, I also want to voice my appreciation for everything that trans and queer women of color have done for the LGBTQ+ community, especially Marsha P. Johnson.

It’s not easy to love yourself when you’re queer.

Internalized and overt heterosexism, transphobia, and homophobia all lend themselves to feelings of isolation, fear, frustration, and, worst of all, self-hatred. With many aspects of your life seeming to work against you, it can be hard to accept and be proud of your own identity— it can even be hard to begin to understand and learn about yourself. The journey to self-love can be difficult, but once you get started, it benefits you all the more.

You may face struggles while throughout this process, but you will come out of them stronger and wiser, with a set of personal tools to deconstruct, resolve, and reflect upon future issues.

1. Learn more about your identity and community

Discovering new parts of yourself is exciting, but it can also be scary. Take time to read and talk about both your individual gender and/or sexuality, as well as about the LGBTQ+ community, the issues it faces, the resources it can offer you, the help you can offer it, and more. Because you’re working on better uncovering more about yourself, it is important to also research the context in which your identity exists.

2. Spend time exploring and establishing your needs and boundaries

This is such an important lesson that will continue to develop and change throughout your life. In order to love and respect yourself, you need to reflect upon what you’re comfortable with and what you wish not to engage in— this goes for all types of relationships, whether their platonic, physical, romantic, or professional. Figuring out what parts of yourself you feel necessary to share with others will help define your boundaries and respect others’. Don’t be afraid to speak up because you’ll be happy you did.

3. Reach out to resources and others, especially in times of need

You will face setbacks throughout your path to self-love, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have anyone or anything to help you. There are all kinds of organizations, support groups, and individuals here for you and other members of the LGBTQ+ community, no matter what you’re going through. Lean on others— you’re not alone. Solidarity is something that queer people everywhere try to emphasize and practice because we all know how tough life can be without a support system.

4. Be proud of your identity

Pride is a beautiful thing, and I’m not just talking about the celebrations and parades that happen once a year. It is a continual feeling that the community tries to uphold because there is nothing to be ashamed of. This is probably the toughest part of loving yourself, especially when you are distinguished as outside of an extremely cisnormative and heteronormative society. Being proud of yourself is a constant tug-of-war because there will be people who try to make you feel ashamed of your identity, but again, accepting yourself is a huge step in the right direction to loving your queer self.