Before college, I spent 5/7 days of the week in the dance studio. Whether I was doing a plié at the bar or rolling around on the dance floor, I spent each and every day after school moving my body. In high school, I didn't have any prominent body image issues. I had the usual insecurities that a teenage girl faces, but other than that, I was perfectly content because I knew I was exercising and eating well. How I looked didn't bother me or plague my thoughts.
In addition to dancing, my required (and chosen) "physical education" class during high school was yoga— an hour-and-a-half period during the day I really looked forward to, especially on the days where calculus hit my brain's limit. Yoga and dance paired well together, aiding both my flexibility and my mindfulness. Yoga made me more aware of my body, inside and out, which translated well into dance. It also helped me contain my stress, making me a happier person overall—something I now realize that I took for granted.
At the end of senior year, the dance season ended and classes were over and I stopped moving my body entirely. I hit the treadmill once or twice during the summer and by the time I had arrived at Miami University, I was incredibly unhappy. Looking at myself in the mirror, I was angry and feeling unhealthy and tired inside made me lose confidence. I had spent eight years of my life dancing and three years building my skills in yoga, and I felt like it had all gone to waste. I was resentful and disappointed, but mostly, I was discouraged.
The facilities at Miami's rec center are amazing, but having the entire school campus separating from my dorm from the gym didn't help my case. On top of that, I wasn't eating healthy because the dining options near my dorm were limited. Needless to say, I was slipping into a downward spiral and losing control.
Over the summer, I tried to get into the routine of working out more. I decided to take up running, which didn't last long since I spent every day standing and walking around the Activewear department at Nordstrom. I even tried going to Barry's Bootcamp a few times with my mom, which is actually an incredibly fun workout class if you have a buddy! But thinking ahead about returning to college and the limited workout options, I figured I needed to get into something that I could do at school.
I had done some research and had heard about a yoga studio opening in uptown Oxford, Ohio, called Root Yoga, and was immediately sold. However, my college-kid finances made me hesitant, and I didn't attend classes until, well, two or three weeks ago. Two to three weeks in, and I haven't felt this happy in over a year. Yoga has relieved my stress and it has reminded me to listen to the voice inside my head and to trust my instincts.
Getting back into yoga and exercising has never been about gaining weight or looking a certain way. It is about how I feel inside, something I've only recently grasped the idea of -- since taking the steps to regaining my confidence.
Learning to love yourself is a lifelong lesson that takes a lot of time. It simply doesn't happen overnight. Testing my body's limits has been incredibly frustrating but immensely rewarding after a year of being essentially stagnant. I thought it will take a lot of work, but there is also something extremely satisfying about knowing that I am working towards an endless goal.
I encourage each and every one of you to find something that lets you love yourself in the best ways possible. You should be proud of who you are and everything that you've accomplished up until this point. For me, finding self-love came from yoga.
