Growing up as someone so dependent on the satisfaction of others, it can be easy to will away your own concerns, your own worries, in order to help someone else conquer their own monsters. Your problems automatically become less significant, and you allow them to, simply because you’re asked for support that everyone knows you can honestly and wholeheartedly give. Helping people is all you know; you’re a problem solver and a wish-granter to anyone who calls out for you.

I grew up with a moral system along that lines of “if I can help, I should.” I was the kid who, without further thinking, lent a helping hand when a boy fell down on the playground. I was the kid who would help someone with their classroom chores, even when I was assigned my own. I was the kid to ignore my homework to help someone else complete theirs. While absolutely none of this is a problem in itself, it certainly created one. Helping others before yourself is a slippery slope, and unfortunately, I got thrown down the hill.

I got so caught up in everything going on around me that I forgot how to breathe. I was suffocating myself, unintentionally, by ignoring that I too am a human being who needs comfort and encouragement. I lost sight of what I had been working towards, what I was working for. I wasn’t necessarily being held back, however, I let someone blur my focus. I left myself locked away and in the dark. I hadn’t yet figured out that I couldn’t fix myself by putting together everyone else.

This was a harsh realization, and it took more time than I had wished before it finally stuck with me. The hardest part was understanding that while I am not the only person I care about, I can’t be the least important. I had to learn to love myself and believe in myself first if I ever wanted anyone else to.

I came to the conclusion that I needed to start taking time for myself. I shut my phone down for a few hours, played some of my favorite songs, and just relaxed, alone. I began to concentrate more in my classes and I paid better attention to my physiological needs. I learned how to voice my opinions when they counted most, and I made sure that I was benefiting from the situations that I was in. I was able to redefine who I was and who I wanted to be by just being. I encourage you to take a step back and appreciate yourself before you’re too late.

Some of the best advice I was ever given was to be, and to stay, a realist, to always have a positive outlook on life because you only get one.

Thank you, C, for teaching me that I am a priority.