Do you want to be the type of person who is kind and loving to other people?
Do you want to be a person who shows the kind of love to others that God shows you? Do you want to be a source of life to you family, friends, the person you are dating-and the person you will eventually marry?
Then you need a source of life.
This is how it was always meant to be. Love embraced becomes love extended. It is the natural outworking of being loved first by God. When you have a source of life, you can be a source of life.
In John 4, Jesus explained how each of us have a deep longing in our souls to be loved. Jesus was talking to women at a well, and at one point he said to her, “You have had 5 husbands and the man you now have is not your husband.”(verse 11 niv).
He also said “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and would have given you living water” (verse 10niv). Jesus was saying, “You have been looking for satisfaction for your deep soul thirst in the arms of men-and you cannot find it there. You have misdiagnosed you need”. Jesus was saying the only satisfaction for the longing in her soul was found in God, the source of life, and not in any human relationships.
When you use a dating relationship to validate yourself, it only leads to sucking the life out of the other person.
This is how toxic dating relationships are formed. Therefore, this is why so many go wrong. When you bring God-sized needs to other human beings, there is no way they can meet those needs. Nor can you offer them unconditional love on the days they are struggling, because they are the ones who represent your source. But when God is your source, it becomes the most natural thing in the world to let his love flow through you and into the person you are dating. When you know you are truly beloved, it is easy to love others. When you have an inexhaustible resource of love, you can then be a source of love for others.
If you are in Christ, you know you cherished by the most beautiful and powerful being in existence. He knows your name. He sees you.
He gave you all to make you his. He will never give up on you. So, before you date-and before you choose to marry your mate- you need to be meeting with your maker and forming a relationship with him. It is in the stability of walking with Christ that you have the resources to bless the person you are dating.
When I look at the landscape of life and love in many people today, I see fear. Fear is making a mistake. Fear is missing out.
Fear is losing opportunities. In others I hear pride-the inconsistence to live life on their own terms so no one can threaten their freedom of expression. In many, I also see, lust. Why commit to love someone emotionally if you can just use them physically? Fear, pride and lust are the root of many problems that crop up in relationships.
None of these drivers aim at love. Fear closes off and withdraws, but love opens up and give freely. Pride will not tolerate the risk of exposing one's self to another, but love risks vulnerability for the sake of the other person. Lust tells the other person you only want the parts you can use, but love embraces the whole person-on his or her best days and worst. As long as fear, lust, and pride are in the driver’s seat of your relationship, you will be speeding away from healthy love. These things will drive you into isolation or create shallow relationships that do not honor God. This is the situation I see in our culture today. I see a generation lost at sea, unsure how to navigate the tempestuous sea of love and avoid the pitfalls of fear, lust, and pride. They are adrift, battered by the winds and waves.
Back in the day, when a ship sailed into treacherous waters, the captain had to acknowledge he lacked sufficient knowledge of the area to guide his vessel safely into port. When that realization hit (this was before the days of modern communication), he would raise a flag that signaled, “I require a pilot.” Whenever a pilot familiar with the area saw that flag ascended on the mast, he would jump into his little coracle, row out to the ship, and come aboard.
The pilot would commandeer the vessel and guide it safely through the rocks and shoals into port. To signal to any other pilots who may want to come aboard that they were not needed, the vessel would fly another flag—one that was half red and half white. This flag declared to all who cared to see, “I have a pilot.” No other pilots were needed, and the locals could be assured this ship was in safe hands.
In the midst of the uncertain seas in your dating relationship, you also have a way to chart a course forward. You can raise the flag of surrender and admit that you “require a pilot” who will navigate you away from the dangers just beneath the surface. And you can raise the flag of commitment that says to the world, “I have a pilot,” and then choose to follow him alone.
God is the one who made you and is the only one who can guide you safely home.
The Bible tells us that he is love (see 1 John 4:8). So, in your dating relationship today, admit that you need a guide on the unknown waters of love. Declare to God that you need him to take the wheel and guide you. When it comes to dating, this is where your journey must begin.
