I never knew summer could change a person so much. Over the past couple of months, my perspective on myself, faith, others, and everything around me has changed. Everything is a little more... Vibrant. Colorful. Adventurous. Beautiful.
I finally embraced what people had been telling me for years: spend time loving you and figuring yourself out. And I would sarcastically think, "Really? I'm 21 years old and I need to figure myself out? Yeah, uh huh, sure." I would gently smile and said, "You're right, I will!" While knowing all the while I would not even give it a second thought.
I made excuses for myself. Too busy. Not enough time. Too tired. People want to hang out with me, so there is nothing wrong. And the list goes on and on. But then summer hit and I actually had time, I wasn't feeling too tired, people went home for the summer, and all my excuses fizzled away. So, what was keeping me from "really" knowing myself?
I was scared to bring up old heartache, regrets, and fears I had buried DEEP within myself. I knew that if I kept myself busy and distracted by things outside of myself, I didn't have to deal with any of the wounds I had so neatly patched up. But those patches started wearing away once the summer began and I had time to relearn myself and what made me tick.
I have to be honest, I was terrified to see what would bubble up after so long of ignoring myself. I found something unexpected: joy. Joy beyond measure, because I knew that this time I was finally and fully figuring out who I was and what my drives and passions were. I began to read more again, paint again, sing again, and experience adventures I would have otherwise not even dared going on. I was becoming me.
Now, the summer is halfway over, and I continue to learn daily more and more about myself and others. What I was afraid of were the demons in my head saying that I was a basket case and I was too messed up and emotional inside to even begin to understand myself.
But then, I began listening to my soul and I heard God say, "You are enough. You are beautiful. You are not too much. You are perfect." Through listening to my heart and soul and truly believing that I am enough has changed my view on everything. I now see the world as exciting, compelling, and a place to learn more about others and myself. I have never been so happy in my life, and now I wish the same for you. Learn who you are. Love your little quirks. Love your flaws. No one can be you except yourself, so embrace who are you truly and fully, and watch the world around you change.
"To love ourselves and support each other in the process of becoming real is perhaps the greatest single act of daring greatly." (p. 110, Daring Greatly by Brené Brown.)
