I worried about what people thought of me. I worried about how I was going to make friends. I worried about who was going to embarrass me next because being overweight makes you an automatic target. Being overweight dehumanizes you, people forget you have feelings. Being overweight automatically makes you ugly. Being overweight means you won’t become successful.
There was a time in my life when I did not want to do anything. I did not want to get up for school, I did not want to go outside, I did not want to live. I was sick and tired of having to worry about someone in school making fun of me, humiliating me.
It was sophomore year of high school and I was in the bathroom when I wanted to take my pain away. I thought the only way I would be happy was if I leave this earth. There I was holding the knife in my right hand. What was I waiting for? I looked in the mirror and I started to hysterically cry. I put the knife down and spoke out loud.
"My life is worth more than this! So what my chorus teacher won't allow me to get into select chorus, so what I can't walk through the halls without being harassed. This isn't going to be my life forever."
That was the day I became strong and stopped caring. I needed to do something drastic, so the first thing I did was dye my hair. As soon as I washed out the dye, I remember running to the mirror and being so excited. I was no longer a brunette, I was a honey blonde chick! I couldn't stop smiling, I knew this was the beginning of a significant change and it was impossible for me to go back. I finally began to feel happy and I finally began to know my worth.
The day I graduated high school was the day I was able to open up a time capsule I made in preschool when I was four years old. There was a question that asked what I wanted to be when I got older. In my sloppy four-year-old handwriting, I wrote, "When I grow up I want to be a famous singer." I started to reminisce about all the times I was embarrassed to tell people what I wanted to be when I grow up. Everyone says when you're overweight and you want to be an entertainer that that's just a dream. It's never going to happen and people like Adele are just the rare lucky ones. No, people like Adele and myself are just the strongest ones. We are prepared to continue going for our dreams after hearing no countless times. We are prepared to be ripped to shreds by the media because we've heard it all before. Nothing can break us and nothing will break us.
Everyone has a story. Everyone has a past. If you are someone who has been bullied or are being bullied, then I want you to know that you are strong and you belong. Don't ever allow someone to have control over yourself. You are your own boss, you dictate what you can and can not do and you can do anything!
