On February 28th, my mom and dad gathered my siblings and me into a room in our house to tell us that my grandfather had passed away. This was something very sudden and although he was 90 years old, he was a young 90 and living his best life. The last time I had lost a loved one I was 9 and had just been able to grasp the whole concept of death. Now that I am 19, I know all about it and was hit very hard from this news. My grandfather had played a very significant role in my life and supported me in every single activity, from dance recitals to musicals to high school graduation. It has been more than a week since he passed and although the pain is still somewhat there, I've learned a lot from this whole experience.
1. It is OK to not feel anything or even fluctuate between different emotions.
That Sunday I had found out the news, a lot of words coming out of my mouth were "I can't believe this," "It doesn't feel real" and "I feel numb." The nothingness that I was feeling and the denial encompassed me that whole night. I've learned that this is completely normal and part of the whole grieving process. At the same time as I felt nothing, I felt everything. Sadness because I had just lost someone very close to me, anger because he still had a few years left on this Earth and how could he be taken with so much more to say and do, confusion at how it all occurred. These feelings are also completely normal and it is OK to feel them at different times or one more than the other.
2. Don't be afraid to cry.
This is something I cannot stress enough. For me, one thing I despise is crying in front of people. It is something that more recently has become almost an insecurity of mine, something that I feel embarrassed about. Throughout this process, not only have I learned that it is OK to cry, but it isn't something I should be embarrassed about or self conscious about because it shows a certain strength and helps to continue going through the cycle of emotions. Cry all you want to and all you need to because it is OK and you will have people around you that feel the exact same way and want to comfort you.
3. Face it.
What is it? It is going to the loved ones house for the first time, looking at pictures, walking into the funeral parlor where the wake takes place and taking it all in. During this whole process, all I wanted to do was go and hide. It took me 30 minutes to get from the front porch of my grandfather's house to actually walk in. All I wanted to do was hide and not face it. At the funeral parlor, I wanted to pretend I was little again and sneak into the side area for younger children, where they are not involved in the wake. This step was one of the hardest, but worth it. If my dad has driven away from my grandpa's house, I would have never walked in there. If I could, I would have stepped away from everything that was happening at the wake. By facing it, I was able to not only gain closure, but gain a sense of confidence and bravery. Yes, this is daunting and scary, but face it, you'll be happy you did.
4. It is OK to take a step away.
This all had occurred the Sunday of midterm week/the week before spring break, so work was piled on. I tried my best to do as much as I could, but some days I simply just couldn't. It is OK to talk to your professor or talk to your boss and ask for an extension or a day off. They will be understanding and help you get through this. Take a step away -- it will be beneficial to you and everything will resume and catch itself up once you are ready.
5. Take time for yourself.
This goes along with number four. Take a break and while you're at it, do something you love. Whether it is watching Netflix, eating a big tub of Ben and Jerry's, or just calling a friend, take a moment and do that thing that makes you happy. Even if it only momentarily lifts your spirits, it is a good thing.
6. Family is important so soak all that family time up.
During this time, family is the most important. Bask in this family love. You will be surrounded by them for a good duration of time and they will be there to comfort you and spread love and remembrance. They will always be around to give you a good hug.
Yes, this is an incredibly difficult time, something unimaginable, but yet something that you can get through. You will have the support of family, friends and those who love you. Stay strong, we can get through this together.
