Anyone who is a people pleaser, first of all, won't admit they are a people pleaser.
These are the people who search for constant positive validation and are willing to put their own self-worth on the back burner so that other people can feel better about themselves.
I used to be one of these people. Often times, I would still consider myself a people pleaser. Now, I just know how to catch myself and when to say no.
I used to always be the guy that said yes to everything. In a sense, I still am. But, with reason. If a friend ever asked me for a favor, no matter what it was, I always tried my best to do just that. I would go out of my way and sacrifice my time to help them. Now, you might think that's awfully generous of me. And it might be. Over time though, this nearly drove me insane. I wasn't even realizing what I was doing.
The worst possible thing you can do to yourself is put someone else's happiness above yours. This may sound very self-absorbed and some may even consider that statement conceited. But, that's not the case. You see, there's a difference between being self-absorbed and being self-aware. I never knew of this.
1. Self-Awareness
Being self-aware is understanding your own surroundings and what you are capable of. Being a people pleaser for quite awhile, I realized this. I realized that it's okay to focus on yourself. At the end of the day, you are the person who you go to bed with at night. You are the person who stares back at you in the mirror every day. There is no feeling like it when you look into the mirror and you see your reflection and all you feel is complete and utter emptiness. You do not have to feel this way. The day I started removing negative people from my life because IT'S MY LIFE (cue the Bon Jovi song) was the day I felt my worth. Know that you're worthy. Be happy with yourself. You can start off doing this by focusing on your own emotions first. Ask yourself how you feel about a situation. Don't do something you don't want to do. This sounds so simple, doesn't it? Understand you have a choice.
2. "No"
A lot of people might find it very easy to just tell someone to take a hike and figure out their own problems. Some people on the other hand, may struggle with telling people this from time to time. There is nothing wrong at all about being a little assertive. And, in dealing with everyday life, you kind of have to be. People don't care where you came from or who you are sometimes. Stand up for yourself with pride and with confidence in who you are. You could easily say yes to something you don't want to do, do it, and then be miserable. Or, you could remember that saying "no" does have its benefits. Why put yourself into a situation you do not want to do because someone else close to you wants you to? You're entitled to your own time. Maybe, you could look at saying "no" as an opportunity to actually do something you value in life. Also, when saying "no" - there's no need to apologize. You do not need to explain yourself. If you're not interested, you are not interested. Leave it be. Stop trying to complicate life.
3. Being Well-Liked
We all want to be well-liked, am I right? Of course we do. We want to help others any way we can. If we're being honest, I know I love helping anyone every chance I can get. I like being dependable and so on and so forth. But, it nearly damaged me to the point where I used to be so focused on everyone trying to like me that I hated myself. I wanted everyone to feel the same way about me. To the point that when someone would say something bad about me, I'd question it. I would see if there was anything I could do to change their minds. Let me tell you one thing: screw that. This world is filled with 7 billion people. If we're being logical here, not EVERYONE is going to like you. You're going to disappoint people. You'll piss people off. I do it everyday while I'm driving. Things happen. People are people. And some people never change. Don't feel pressured into "being well-liked." Those who do like you, I'm sure, like you for YOU. If you're surrounded by people where you feel as if the relationship is more one-sided - move on. You don't need that negativity. Surround yourself with people who will better you personally. Not people who will "make you look good." Not people who use you.
At the end of the day, your happiness is the key. You need to make yourself happy before making others happy, or you will fall into a downward spiral of not feeling like enough. You are enough. Treat yourself that way.
You're not a doormat. It's better to let someone walk away from you than walk all over you. Do not fear rejection.
"When you learn how much you're WORTH, you'll stop giving people DISCOUNTS."
