This morning, I opened my door to go brush my teeth, and right in front of my door there were three girls talking. I immediately said sorry as I walked past them, but by the time the words came out I didn’t know what I was apologizing for. Being there? Needing to brush my teeth? It seemed like it was my body’s uncontrollable reaction to seeing people.

A lot of the time I say sorry, I wish I could take it back. This is because I don’t even know what I’m saying sorry for. For example, I was recently at a party and made a joke to a to a cute boy that he didn’t get. So what did I do? Said sorry, that was dumb. Yeah, sorry buddy, you don’t get my humor, so I feel bad about that?! I walked away from that situation honestly confused. Why should I feel bad? I think I’m hilarious. I love my sense of humor. Why the heck did I say sorry for making a joke that I liked?

If I’m at a restaurant and the kitchen messes something up. I stop the waiter and say ‘I’m sorry, but I ordered dressing on the side’. Why am I sorry again? I don’t blame anyone in particular for the mistake - we’re all human and we’re prone to some error, but why should I say sorry for something I didn’t even do, or that I was the recipient of?

Apologies are important, don’t get me wrong. We all need to recognize when we’re in the wrong. When we hurt someone we love, when we find that we aren’t staying true to our values or true to ourselves, we should say should say that we’re sorry. But that’s the point: when you’re sorry, you should mean it. We all appreciate apologies that are sincere and genuine. Apologize when it’s called for. Apologize when you feel your actions call for it.

Don’t say sorry for who you are, what you do, or what you need. I think young people, especially young women, associate saying sorry with acts of politeness. When I think of politeness, I think of ‘excuse me’, ‘pardon me’, and ‘please’. A lot of the situations in which we actually say sorry do not require the intensity of a sorry. I think it’s extremely important to mean what you say, so if you’re in someone’s way, say pardon me. If you need something else in a restaurant, say please.

So, I say we stop saying sorry all the time. We need to substitute the wrong words with the right ones, in order to make declarations of what we actually want or mean. Give an accurate impression of who you are - be conscious of your word. Do you want to be the person who is sorry for the insignificant things, or do you want to be the person whose sorry's carry intention and purpose?