What do you mean, "I'm not alone?"
When one commits to a relationship, one often thinks that everything they have ever wanted is literally right in front of them. So did I, until about one whole year ago. In that past year, I have formed to the mold my boyfriend at the time wanted. I didn't think anything of it, I thought it was completely normal.. until I began losing my friends. Why did I have to choose between him and my friends and family? Why did my location have to be on at all times? Why couldn't I talk to other guys? Why was I not allowed to go out with my collegiate athletic team? Why could we only spend time with his family? Ladies, these are all things that do not have to be true for you. In fact, they can be avoided by early signs of abuse in your relationship. At first it may not seem like it will be harmful in the end, but I promise it often gets worse before it gets better. Having a boyfriend that shows characteristics of being manipulative and controlling from the beginning means you should get out immediately, your friends and family will be there for you, I promise. You are not alone.
Don't sacrifice friendships for the boy who steals your heart.
Yes, it is tempting. It has taken an entire year of me losing relationships with the people who mean the most to me for me to realize what was actually happening. I started spending ALL of time with my boyfriend. Literally, every second of every day. If I wasn't physically with him, I had to be texting, snapchatting, or facetiming for him to know exactly what I was doing and to know who I was with. I now know this is not normal, and I don't want it to be true for you either. When your friends begin warning you that you seem distant, listen to them. Everything is going to be okay in end when you have your closest friends there to support you. So thank you, to those who tried to warn me about the dark hole I was digging myself in without even noticing. More importantly, thank you for being here for me when I need you most. You're truly blessings.
"You better not be talking to him"
This phrase is forever embedded in my mind. If I got just $1 for every time my boyfriend told me this, I would be a millionaire. I'm not even joking. Regardless of whether it was a guy I was working with on a project in school, or an guy I used to have feelings for, the result was still the same. How could I be so blind to not see what was actually happening? The manipulation that was being used didn't even catch my eye. For example, when we ran into a guy I used to really really like, my boyfriend at the time tried telling me he had been using drugs nonstop and you could definitely tell. He tried to embed these thoughts into my mind to the point where I actually believed him. I believed he was a drug addict, but as I reflect back now I know that definitely was not the case. How could I believe something I have always known to be false, but I believed it because he kept saying it? When my family, boyfriend & I ran into a guy I went to high school with at the beach working at an internship & stopped to say hi, my boyfriend hounded me about it because he felt insecure that I was talking to an old friend. This isn't okay. When I realized my boyfriend had gone through my social media and deleted some of my friends on Snapchat and Instagram, I realized that I have been so naive thinking that he was doing this in my best interest. No, losing these relationships with people I care about most is not in my best interest. Continuing these relationships would have without a doubt been the best thing I could have done at the time.
"Why would you want to go out with your friends?"
Ahhh, the topic of conversation that caused the most drama between him & I. Why would I actually begin to think that drinking alcohol and going out with my friends and teammates were unreasonable actions? Hindsight is always 20/20, and I'm starting to believe that now. As my 21st birthday is soon approaching, my sister and I have recently been talking about going to a winery to celebrate. I'm a few months older than my boyfriend, so he didn't like the idea of me being able to go to the bar without him. He explained that I wasn't even allowed to go to a winery with my sister because he wasn't old enough to go. He said I wasn't allowed to celebrate my birthday until he turned 21 almost 4 months after I did. I'm telling you this so you know you're not alone, this is a sign of a very controlling relationship and it is something that you don't need to be subjected to..I promise. When you're in college and have the opportunity to have fun with your friends, do it. It is the nights I missed out on that I spent in with my boyfriend I regret most, not going out with my friends. You only have so much time before the real world, so enjoy them. Be crazy, have fun, laugh a lot, and make the best of the time you have with the people who surround you with positive energy, laughter, and a good time. So again, thank you to my friends and teammates who gave me many nights like this, have encouraged me to come out even when my boyfriend told me I couldn't, and the friends who are still there for me now that I realize what is important in life - you all are, not him.
Jealousy and competitiveness don't work in a relationship.
Or so I have found in my relationship. I became so emotionally invested (as I always do) in my relationship with him that I didn't pick up the signs that our relationship was during into an extremely abusive relationship. I didn't even realize that I was being emotionally abused by being told what to wear, who I can talk to, who I spend time with, what classes I take, where I live, how many hours I work, being told I'm gaining weight and not being fit, along with so many other comments that didn't raise a red flag at the time. Having a boyfriend who felt so insecure about himself lead to these circumstances, I'm sure of it. It is when I succeeded more in school and on my sports team than he did. It is when he felt superior to me that he is going to school to become a doctor and I'm going to enrich the lives of children as a teacher. It is when he degraded me by correcting me nonstop. It is when his family started introducing me to people as "his girlfriend who is a captain on her sports team", instead of "this is so and so and she is truly a kind person" It became more of what people saw me as instead of who I really am. That isn't the kind of life I want to live. I want to get to know people and learn where they come from and who they are.. Be with someone who is proud of who you are and how hard you work, not someone who despises it.
