* Disclaimer: I know someone will read this and take it all in, and at the end is still the one-fifth-&-cuffing herself, because you're a strong independent woman. You do you, girl.
Personally, I believe that there is a reason we pursue relationships with other people; not only do we not want to spend the rest of forever alone, but we want someone with whom we can have fun with and eventually love and be loved by. We want someone to become our unconventional prince charming.
There is an ongoing debate on whether women are expecting too much from men and those who believe so often attribute Nicholas Sparks to be at fault for setting our expectations too high for men who are in fact, well, not fictional or fairytale characters, and are therefore not perfect. They are flawed humans; like the rest of us, men make their own decisions, sometimes act before thinking things through, and usually have no idea what the opposite sex wants - and surely not what your complicated, dramatic, PMSing-self is craving at 3 a.m. Does any of this justify cutting them slack on how hard they should try or changing what you expect out of a relationship? Abso-freaking-lutely NOT.
To make myself clear, when I say relationship, I'm bulking committed dating relationships with everything else, including that guy you met on Tinder or the other casual random you met the other night at a party. No matter it's form, there is a relationship there, be it friendly, loving, or casual. You have control over how you are treated, as long as you have control over yourself.
With all of the things happening on university campuses around the country in regards to sexual assault, sexual violence, and sexual abuse, this is not the time in our lives, as women, to stand in shifting sands in terms of what we want and or expect out of a relationship with another person. I completely understand that every person and situation is unique, and therefore nobody understands or could relate exactly to what another person has been through, but I firmly believe that we, as women, are *sometimes* the cause of our own problems. *Gasp! Who, me?*
Ladies, we need to have confidence in our most sober, natural selves. We all too quickly put on facades for different groups of people, and believe me, I too am at fault. Whether your confidence booster is make up, alcohol, or something else, be sure to acknowledge that you are first and foremost fantastic as you are, and secondly, there are some poor, unfortunate people in this world who will take advantage of you because you acknowledge your weaknesses, and even your strengths.
At NC State there is an action plan behind the phrase "It's On US." Appealing to large student organizations and Greek life, but also the entire student body. Our University recognizes that it is in fact a responsibility of decent human beings to recognize, prevent, and take action in situations that ANY person is in danger of any kind of violence, in this case sexual violence and assault. All members of all sororities had to sit through sexual violence awareness class and all of the fraternities did as well. But what isn't getting through? There is no sugar coating, it comes down to the facts:
No means NO: It is important that in these situations we avoid translating "no" into "I say NO but I really mean YES." That is not how those words work and even though sometimes we wish they could read our minds and know it, we have to be as clear with men as possible, especially in these situations.
Make smart decisions: if you know the crowd that will be at a party, then sure, you aren't as worried about what could happen, but does that mean you should show up obliterated? No, probably not. Show up aware of what is going on and observe your situation. I know a lot of women have been standing up saying, "It isn't our fault and we shouldn't have to change because of the actions of others," but if you could prevent something from happening, why wouldn't you?
Keep the buddy system: Know where at least one friend is at all times. Offer to be the sober friend every once in a while. You don't have to be out of your mind to have a good time all the time!
Sure, we like going out and having fun and sometimes dressing up or down depending on the event, and no I don't think you should have to change that, but people interpret actions differently under the influence of different substances, so if you show up to a party of primarily males, dressed like you're at a club, and you have no idea whats going on and can't make decisions for yourself, then you could potentially lose control of the situation.
Unfortunately, no matter what steps are taken, things can still go wrong, and it's not your fault! If something were to happen, don't be too afraid to tell someone or seek help. Sexual assault is not something to keep quiet about, and it is not something to joke about.
Make smart decisions, assess your situation, keep the buddy system, and remember: You have more control over how you are treated when you have control over yourself!
For inspiring and empowering facts, quotes, and testimonies, check out the #YESallwomen campaign.
