Some relationships look beautiful from the outside. A friend of yours is always smiling and is always in a rush to get back to their partner. But if you could see what is happening behind closed doors would you still be shipping their relationship?
Almost 60 percent of all women have experienced some form of abuse. That includes abuse from home, relationships, friendships, and strangers. Around 29 percent of women have been in an abusive relationship and another 29 percent of women and 10 percent of men have experienced rape. That's three out of 10 women and one out of 10 men. Abuse happens in every relationship, whether it is a heterosexual or homosexual relationship. Domestic violence and abuse happens to all sexualities and genders. Overall, 62 percent of women have been hit, shoved or slapped. That's over half of all women.
Don't fall into the trap of believing someone when they put you down. Abusive partners are great manipulators and can make you believe that you deserve what is happening or make you feel guilty for something you never did wrong. You do not deserve it, and you have not done anything wrong.
"Don't play his game, play yours." —Rachel Caine
Focusing on just women in college, we see more outrageous numbers. As many as one in four female students experience sexual assault over the course of their college career. Out of college women, 13 percent reported that they were forced to have sex with the person they were in a relationship with. An outstanding 90 percent of college student victims knew who their attacker was. These statistics do not account for the number of victims who have never reported abuse.
Let me put that in perspective. I have three close girlfriends. Based on these statistics one of us will be sexually assaulted while we are in college and that itself is a terrifying thought. I am also in a Sorority with over 40 other girls. If we break that down, around 10 of us will have been sexually assaulted by the end of our college experience.
“Has he ever trapped you in a room and not let you out?
Has he ever raised a fist as if he were going to hit you?
Has he ever thrown an object that hit you or nearly did?
Has he ever held you down or grabbed you to restrain you?
Has he ever shoved, poked, or grabbed you?
Has he ever threatened to hurt you?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then we can stop wondering whether he’ll ever be violent; he already has been.” —Lundy Bancroft
Many people don't know they are in an abusive relationship because it's all they've ever known. But know this: if they love you they will never intentionally hurt you physically or emotionally. Do not sell yourself short because you deserve the right kind of love and happiness that someone else and others can give you.
52 percent of women have said that they know someone, whether it's a friend or a relative, who has been abused sexually or emotionally, and they did nothing. They said that they didn't know how to react or what to do. If you are someone witnessing abuse happening in front of you, try one of the following actions:
Distract
Jump into the conversation and draw their minds away from what was happening. You can tell a joke or introduce yourself if the person who is the assailant is a stranger. You can also always ask to just talk to your friend. Pull them aside and ask them how they feel about this person; tell them that you have concerns. Do what you can from keeping an incident from occurring.
Be Direct
If you witness abuse happening you can always be direct with the assailant or victim. Say, "Hey are you okay?" or, "Is there a problem here?" You do not need to know someone to help them. If they are scared to be with someone or to leave with someone, try to help them out.
Many people end up being bystanders because they don't take action. It is a psychological reason as to why people often do not jump in to intervene. Many people have experienced the "If something is wrong someone else will jump in" feeling. When people don't see anyone else helping, they hesitate to do the same. It is called the Bystander Effect.
Don't let someone deem you as anything less than a strong, intelligent, beautiful person. Once someone has done you wrong, don't make excuses for them to do it again.
