Fall season is here and well… this weather has me questioning what is to come.

I mean I know it’s inappropriate to complain but I was partially settling into the idea of sweater weather and yeah well it’s still 90 degrees in good old Bowling Green, OH.

However, summer temperatures or not, Fall is HERE! And although this is my favorite season, this is also the time that I tend to really dig deep into my self-care. I’m not sure what it is about the season switch but I’ve noticed that I’m more prone to feel lonely and inadequate in the early months of fall.

In knowing this, I’ve tried to be more meticulous with how I deal with myself and two practices that I’ve found extremely beneficial are

1. Take thorough self-inventory (which is much needed by this time of the year).
2. Re-set some boundaries in my life (and even create new ones).

I mean if you really think about it, we’re 9 months into 2017, meaning we’re only 3 months away from 2018! Now, that’s a sobering thought in itself (if I do say so myself). And on the lines of feeling inadequate although I know that I’ve accomplished some HUGE milestones this year, I also and always have that nagging feeling that I’m slacking behind.

And perhaps I have been, because there are some intimate and personal goals that I’ve set for myself in which I’ve been avoiding the work, and instead, have been dedicating my time chasing trends, or as my mother would say I’ve been “keeping up with the Joneses." Now for my '90s babies or even individuals with middle-aged to early 60s parents you all know the meaning of this phrase and if you don’t well here it is:

According to Cambridge dictionary, this phrase is “to always want to own the same expensive objects and do the same things as your friends or neighbors, because you are worried about seeming less important socially than they are.”

Now, for me, it hasn’t been the “expensive objects” but moreso doing and experiencing the same thing as my friends and neighbors (ie: everyone I follow on social media). I’ve been using people as my source for measuring myself, which has only left me feeling lonely and inadequate.

As embarrassing as it is to admit, these are direct result of being lustful. Yes, ladies and gentlemen LUST was settling into my heart. I was allowing myself to scroll and scroll on Instagram and subconsciously begin to crave other people’s lives. To want their relationship, wardrobe, financial stability, car, friend group… LIFE (as if social media is a truthful depiction of anything, right?). I was completely submerged in what it appeared everyone had that I didn’t and I began allowing those thoughts to produce a sense of thirst in my life.

A thirst to fill the voids in my life. And please allow me to put out this disclaimer: voids are not always the first scenarios our minds go to. For example “low self-esteem, issues from family structures, financial issues...etc.” Voids are simply spaces of lack which we all have at least one space, if not several.* I, raising my hand while typing have several.*

So yes, I was thirsty to fill the voids in my life, and a big one for me is solace within myself. I often times lack the ability to find comfort within myself, and in return it causes me to feel lonely. This is an issue that I’ve particularly been paying close attention to since I ‘ve accepted my job and relocated back to my college town. To be quite honest I started feeling lonely when I responded to the confirmation email because I knew what would accompany this journey. I knew that I would have to dismantle my mind of what I expected this phase of my life to be and embrace what the present was gifting me.

I knew that the work ahead of me would be long and hard and that I would have to find solace within myself in order to accept what life was gifting me. I write, gifting and not giving because these last three months of my life have been a gift. A hard one to receive at times but still a gift nonetheless.

A gift because this journey specifically has shown me the ‘uglier’ facets of my life such as my niche to be THIRSTY! (which is not cute at all). Thirsty of achievements, for happiness, for the life I have imagined since I have been knee-high. I’ve been caught rushing the process rather than acknowledging that time, patience and hard work brings about all those desires. Instead of knowing that ambition is good and thirst is deceiving. You see, no matter what ‘new’ filling you may have when you decide to chase your thirst you’ll only return to the same bucket that was once full to find it now empty. As a result, you’ll be off to the races again, trying to quench a tiring thirst.

I’ve decided that this go round I want out of the rat race! I’m not going to let the remaining three months of the year send me into a spiral, or cause me to seek after goals that I know will come with time. This year, I refuse to buy into the hype of feeling drained by the end of it all because like this September weather, I’m simply doing too much!

I can’t and I won’t… and you shouldn’t either. You shouldn’t burden yourself with what you don’t have! You shouldn’t work yourself to no-end to receive it either (which is something that our culture teaches us to do). Fun Fact Millionaires sleep, they always have!

So instead of allowing the season change, social media or whatever your downfall might be to allow you to feel thirsty to fill areas of void, I hope you’ll align yourself with not only where you’re at but recall where you’ve been and plan for where you’re going. I hope that you’ll seek out what’s most valuable and true to you and let everything else fall in its proper place at its proper time. I hope you too, will decide to get out of the race rat and start working your own stride at your own tempo.

I know I am working hard this season to address the areas of lack in my life and instead of filling them with ideas of what could and should be happening, I am rejoicing for what is. And when the lack seems too big, because at times it does I am reminding myself :

“God, my shepherd!
I do not need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush
Meadows,
You find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
You let me catch my breath
And send me in the right direction.” - Psalms 23

So, for those who are willing to take the inventory and assess those empty buckets within their lives, for those who are willing to set the boundaries that will produce space and opportunity for clarity and authentic conversations with God. May you be sure to find the time to catch your breath and always find yourself on the right path, moving towards the right direction.

It’s guaranteed but first, let the lust in your life go and learn to manage what you have!