Falling in love with someone who has lost a sibling is a completely different situation than most. We've learned through the heartache to hug a little tighter and love a little harder because you never know what tomorrow holds.
Here are a few things to remember before you fall in love with someone who has lost a sibling:
1. We use tears sparingly.
We may not always happy cry, or cry watching The Notebook, but it's not because we are emotionless. It's because we feel our tears are for more important occasions. So if we don't cry when you buy us flowers, it's not because we don't love them enough to cry, we just don't like to shed tears for things that make us smile.
2. We had to grow up before we were ready.
The death of our sibling brought the death of a lot of other things, as well; including our childhood. All of our family members were suffering along with us causing us to learn early on how to take care of ourselves. Don't be discouraged if we tend to be independent at first. Letting people do things for us can be a challenge because we had to fend for ourselves for so long.
3. Meaningless sibling bickering is quite annoying to us.
We have no problem calling you and your sibling out on a pointless argument. If you prolong a fight with your sibling, we're going to make sure you know how lucky you are to still have a sibling to argue with. We aren't doing it to make you feel bad, we just want you to love your sibling the way we wish we could still love ours.
4. We've developed a sense of adventure.
When we text you a picture of our brand new tattoo that you had no idea we were getting, just play along. We need to do things to remind us that we're alive. Who knows, we might convince you to go skydiving with us one day.
5. The anniversary of our sibling's death will always be a day of sadness.
It doesn't matter if it's been two years or twenty years, remembering the events of the day our sibling died will always leave an empty feeling in our stomach. Don't try to make us happy that day because it won't work; instead, let us lay around, watch sad movies, and eat junk food.
6. Death doesn't scare us.
You will probably get freaked out the first time you hear us talk about death, but don't worry. We're not planning on dying anytime soon, we just aren't afraid to if it happens. The "I'll take a bullet for you" complex doesn't seem to score well with us considering we aren't afraid to die.
7. We can't imagine having only one child.
Depriving our children of a sibling is quite possibly the cruelest thing we could do to them, so be prepared to have more than one child. We never want our kids to miss out on all the memories that come with being a brother or sister.
8. Don't be afraid to ask us questions about our sibling.
We want you to know everything about us, and our sibling and their death is a big part of who we are. Please don't be afraid to say their name and talk about them.
We love to share stories of our childhood together and what we think they would be like if they were still here. If we start to cry, it's not because you made us sad. We just wish they could be here for big life events; such as meeting you.
Falling in love with someone who has lost a sibling can be a challenge, but go for it. It may just be the best challenge you'll ever face.
