The Knob Unturned
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The Knob Unturned

While sitting in the fancy leather chair that no one ever sat in, in the fancy study room that no one ever went in, Tim spent countless hours staring at the doorknob that no one ever turned.

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The Knob Unturned
homeimah.com

Tim sat in the fancy leather chair that no one ever sat in in the fancy study room that no one ever went in. The room was essentially useless. It was dusty and smelled like the antique shops that his grandmother used to drag him into. The room contained nothing but old furniture and a few odd and end toys that him and his older brother outgrew long ago. Cobwebs collected in the corners and the white paint on the window seals chipped off to reveal old wood underneath. “That darn nabbit dang flabbit useful hunk of junk room we got right dere ain’t do nothin’ but stink and take up space. I reckon we knock that right there wall down and make this here living area bigger. Since y’all yuppies always be complaining ‘bout my nascar I can have my own seperate tv right ‘dere.” Tim wouldn’t allow it. Whenever any idea of the rooms demolition was even mentioned he would throw a fit and bring up his mild depression he was diagnosed with when he was nine years old. It always did the trick.

Adults always seemed to get really weird about children with depression. It was the one room in the house that he could sit in unbothered. The one room that didn’t smell like mayonnaise and concrete. Sometimes he could even play with his furbies without fear of torment by his brother. While all of these things very clearly presented their own case, none of them were the main reason for Tim’s utmost fascination with this room. While sitting in the fancy leather chair that no one ever sat in, in the fancy study room that no one ever went in, Tim spent countless hours staring at the doorknob that no one ever turned.

Tim’s fascination with doorknobs began when he was a toddler. Before he was fortunate enough to have a normal childhood toy like a Furbie, all his parents would give their children to play with was household items. Tim’s older brother, Jim Bob, grew up playing with a lampshade. One Sunday morning just after a football game, Tim and Jim Bob’s father, Dennis, was full of rage after the Bears lost. He stormed down the hallways and slamed the door to his bedroom with such force that the door actually cracked in half. While Mary Ann, Tim’s mother, chalks it up to the fact that the person who constructed the house used old, recycled doors and painted them to look new and caused it to crack so easy. Dennis, of course, claims it was simply his manly strength. Either way, when the door split and the doorknob broke right off. The curious toddler that Tim was caused him to crawl right towards the alarming sound. The second he saw the shiny, brass ball of wonder his whole world changed. He knew exactly what it was he wanted to be when he grew older. In Kindergarten the children picked on him. Most kids wanted to be firemen, teachers, police officers, singers but Tim wanted to sell the most amazing tool he ever encountered: door knobs.

After years of research on how to be a salesman, Tim finally felt as though he was old enough to take the next step towards his ultimate goal. He decided to apply for a job as a salesman. While it wasn’t a doorknob salesman just yet, he thought this would be the experience he needed to progress into the world of door knob sales. The first job he applied to was for selling carpet cleaner. He applied on a Thursday morning and by Friday evening he received a call for an interview. By Tuesday morning he was in his fanciest suit and accompanying a seasoned salesman for his training.

“I’m so excited that I got this job so fast!” Tim gushed to his fellow co worker, Andrew. “Yeah, that should tell you something.” Andrew grunted. Tim’s forehead grew in a confused line. “What does that mean?” He asked. Andrew let out a sarcastic laugh. “This job sucks. The pay sucks, the bosses suck, the people you have to sell to suck, and the biggest downfall--the product sucks.” Andrew’s negativity was really starting to draw Tim down. They went to four houses and not a single person would even let them come inside and sample the product. When their break time finally came around, they sat in the work van and ate their lunches they packed.

“Well, maybe if you greeted people a little more enthusiastically someone would let us in.” Tim suggested in the nicest way he could muster. “You tryin ta tell me how to do my job, boy? Last time I checked you was the newbie and you was learnin from me.” Andrew poked Tim hard in the chest as he spoke each word. Tim decided to remain quiet from that point on. He reluctantly followed Andrew around for the rest of the shift and stood behind and listened as Andrew got rejected time and time again. How are we EVER supposed to make a paycheck going this way? Tim thought to himself. Quitting time finally rolled around as Tim and Andrew arrived back at their central location to drive home.

“Look, I know today wasn’t a good day and you might not like me and all, but a couple of us here salesman like to go to the bar across the street after work and have a few.” Andrew stated. Tim nodded and stared, waiting for an invitation. He couldn’t quite figure out his coworker and he didn’t want to say he’d go if he didn’t hear he was truly invited. “Well quit staring at me boy, you comin or not?” Tim nodded and followed Andrew across the road to the bar.

The evening started with all of the salesmen joking about their boss and downing the company. Tim was new, and he didn’t know what to add in yet so he just awkwardly sat their. Hoping to loosen up a bit, Tim downed three beers in the first 30 minutes of being at the bar. His coworkers noticed he was getting a bit tipsy, and decided to have some fun with it. They offered to buy him and drink and Tim accepted. Instead of receiving one drink, each coworker bought him a drink, which resulted in ten drinks. Tim already felt as though he was on thin ice with Andrew, so to not appear rude, he decided to drink every single beer as fast as he could. The next thing Andrew knew, he was waking up on his bedroom floor with an incredible headache. He looked around unsure of what happened and what time it was. Once he finally realized what happened, he quickly looked at his watch. 10:30! He let out a childish yelp as he hopped up from the ground. Late on the second day?! He thought to himself frantically. He quickly got dressed and raced to his job. Andrew was sitting on the sidewalk spitting his chewing tobacco in an empty Mountain Dew bottle. Tim had driven so fast that when he got out of his car he was still out of breath from the running he did around his house. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He apologized to Andrew. Andrew let out a chuckle. “Don’t apologize to me bub. I don’t mind sitting around and waiting. Killed some time out of the day that we wouldn’t get paid for anyways.” He hopped up and started walking towards the company van. “Although if you really wanna do some apologizing, I would go to the big guy in there.” He said as he pointed for the door.

Tim knew what he had to do. He gulped down his nerves and walked right into the building. He knocked on his boss’s office and was granted permission to come in. “Mr. G-” Tim started. Mr. Gillepsi closed his eyes and swatted at his employee. “I don’t wanna hear no excuses and I don’t wanna hear how sorry you are. Don’t care. Just don’t show up late again or you’re out of a job.” Tim wanted to cry like a little girl that got pushed off the swingset. He nodded and turned around and left. The whole rest of the day he felt hopeless. Like he would never become the doorknob salesman he dreamed of.

Andrew pulled up at their last location for the day. “Alright boy, last house of the day. We haven’t sold any of this junk in three days. This is our last hope before the boss starts sticking his nose in our business.” Those words helped Tim find that motivation that he thought was gone forever. “Do you think I could handle this one myself?” He asked Andrew. Andrew shrugged and replied, “Why the heck not. Go for it, Tiger. What do we got to lose?” This time Tim stepped right up to the door as Andrew followed behind. He rang the doorbell and waited patiently until a middle aged women with a young child on her hip answered. It was obvious how exhausted she was. The bags under her eyes were big and puffy. When she pulled the door open she sighed. “What can I help you with?” She asked impatiently as she tapped her hand on the door. “Hello, ma’am!” Tim greeted her happily. “I understand you are probably incredibly busy dealing with this cute little human you have,” Tim started and bought out a little chuckle in the lady. “But it would surely make our day if we could just show you real quick how great our carpet cleaner is. It would only take about ten minutes!” He flashed the biggest and most sincere smile he could conjure up. The mother looked to the sky and twisted her mouth in an inquisitive manor. “Well, Garry does tend to stain my carpet a lot,” The began as she bounced the toddler on her hip. “So, might as well.” She smiled and opened the door to allow the two men in. Tim turned and looked at Andrew who was absolutely flabbergasted. The mother ended up buying the VIP gift set that sold for $99.99. From then on out, Andrew let Tim take the lead. He didn’t really mind it since he didn’t have to do much and reaped the benefits.


Eventually Tim did so well that his boss wanted to promote him to a higher position. Tim politely declined the position, and instead applied for Poppy’s Knobs and Things and was given a position at an entry level sales spot within the next week thanks to his raving reviews from his first sales job. Tim quickly grew within his company until he was head salesman. He was offered a position higher than this, but since it was an office job he politely declined. He had reached his goal and sold doorknobs until he was 70 years old. All the doorknobs in his house were of the top quality and he tried to instill in his children as well as grandchildren how important doorknobs could actually be. Tim’s grandson, Vinston, carried on the doorknob legacy. He ended up creating his own doorknob business and named it Tim’s Terrific Doorknobs. Tim passed with a full heart at the age of 93. They placed the doorknob Tim played with as a child in the casket with him and the way his friends and family viewed doorknobs would never be the same.
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