It’s honestly crazy how close i thought we once were. I told you everything. you were “my person“ and i stupidly thought that I was yours. Years and years of putting you before myself. I never thought it was going to end the way that it did. You always told me how I had a “heart of gold” and to “not let people get the best of me” but after thinking about the words you said to me; i realized that you were saying that to me because you knew i would drop everything and anything for you in a split. The constant warnings and the signs that you weren’t really there for me like you claimed to be were nonexistent to me. My heart and mind were clouded by words which were never followed by actions. 

Then one day came. I knew it was time. This was the day that would answer all of the questions that started  piling up in the last few months. I knew the answer i was going to get; so i wasn’t upset. What hurt me was that you always told me that you would always be there for me. But, of course...it was just another lie covered by pretty words. 

I knew then that this friendship was two different kinds of friendships. You had your view and i had mine. It’s weird though, I knew the end result was going to be bad...i thought i was going to spend days or weeks crying because it was years of friendship. 

Instead, i cried for 5 minutes and then thought about all the good about myself. I don’t need anyone else’s validation to make myself feel good anymore. I stopped putting others before myself (as much, still working on that).  i was finally able to find peace within myself that I hadn’t felt in years. 

To think that you were the one that held me back. You held me back from myself. The woman God created me to become. I went through hurt, but i’m healing and  have found peace. I’m no longer afraid of doing things and thinking about what you would say or think. 

I do what makes me happy. I will learn to trust people again and their intentions, but healing is a process. A process that i am willing to go through. without you.