In a for-once positive light, the direction the economy is going might help kids.
Part of me wishes that it was President Obama mandating that all private brokers start exclusively doing business with binary ladder option stocks or of the hypothetical rising trend of companies offering death puts to its retiring, but it's not. Instead, in classic human and economic nature, the seemingly now-folkloric American Dream lives on in the Tooth Fairy.
How so? I know someone whose five-year-old brother just got $20 for losing his first tooth.
Bear with me. However minor and moot the point seems to be, it's not. In reality, it's the economic opportunity of a lifetime. It will hold precedent to the next generation's conduct, financial proceedings, and therefore nearly all levels and laws of economic practice. It will get him on Forbes' list of the most powerful people in the world, and it will make Thomas Jefferson shed a lone tear in his grave, the feeling of such a tear remeniscing the feeling of every fifty-year-old when they realized Led Zeppelin was on the classic rock station and multiplied it by a hundred.
The real question is, of course, what will he do with the $20? Will he spend it on an overpriced gram of marijuana, or invest it wisely in ladder option stocks and death puts that mature over seventy years, give or take? Which prime time news station will get to cover it? By what multiple of 20 will companies have to pay to get a slot during it? Will they do a "20 for 20" special akin to ESPN's 30 for 30? (Wait, of course. He will be the five-year-old Wolf of Wall Street, sipping sparkling apple juice instead of champagne when he's not riding in his battery-powered, ride-on Ferrari with only the prettiest girls from preschool. I shouldn't have even asked that.)
But in any case, this means America has done its job. Taking after John Locke's philosophy of personal freedom and free market economics and yada yada yada, this kid has the freedom to spend his $20, which are there thanks to the persistent economic growth and resultant inflation comparative to the eighteenth century and more yada yada yada, on overpriced marijuana (okay, maybe not) or to sue the Tooth Fairy for fraudulent practices in order to get more money. Even though Tooth Fairy Corp® would likely win due to the stereotypical nature of a country that thrives on big business and the fact that their lawyers would probably be getting more than $20, it's still his personal freedom to sue for anything over such an amount (which would have been over $500 in today's money, but it's best to let that go).
In that comes the promise every four years that there will be radical change to America in the form of some campaign promise for better healthcare or education and that it will be done in the absolute best way that tidily divides everyone that wants to bring Led Zeppelin back into its glory days or wants to tell Led Zeppelin to bite it. In terms of elections, it doesn't matter whether you like classic rock or not. As long as you have the freedom to sue for $20, it's okay. That's the underlying fabric the country's based on, and before you complain that Hillary has definitely had the Secret Service wipe out everyone that's tried to sue her because that's what you heard on Facebook or that Trump would make it impossible for minorities to sue anybody because that's what you also heard on Facebook, or even that kids didn't get $20 for teeth back in the days of Led Zeppelin, take a minute to think about that. It's not like that five-year-old kid is worrying about any of it on his own. That shows in and of itself that it's been fine so far. By the way, that kid asked for Legos, and that's okay with me, because I'll take all the sparkling apple juice I can get.
